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Way Too Long Entry

2001-06-30 @ 9:25 p.m.
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ARggg g-damn keyboard.. I was typing gthis entry adn then it all got shot to hell and someohow disapeared

well it is another day shot to hell in anutshell recap another RAinbow Bridge mixup between me and Mike.. so I had Warren at work with me for the first half of the day, then Mike picked him up infront of the office building.. It was nuts at work.. 40 calls (my personal record is over 60) and they always seem to call in groups. Of Course Wes never showed up or bothered to tell me that I was working alone.(Sound like we had in the words of Cool Hand Luke "..a failure to communicate") Remind me to bring a bad attitude to work on Monday. grumble grumble. a lunch would have been nice. I would also like time to play catch up on my daily and weekly reports, but short of working an extra shift or going unavailable I have no idea when I will have time.. unless I figure out how to clone my self.

Since it is the first of the month, well almost I should finally have a child support check of decent size. Mike at the same job for over a month...klunk.. thats a new record.. or else the worlds oldest teenager is going thru emotional puberty.. and finally relizing there are more important things than looking out for number one.. and contrary to what Mike says the check is not wasted, unless you count providing Warren with luxeries like electricity and food and a decent place to stay while I am working luxeries... I wish I didnt' have to work so much, (don't get me wrong I am not against working) so I could be with Warren more, but unfortunately I was young and stupid and let my self believe the lies of a smoother talking con man, who never really loved me.. (my personal opinion on the pre marital sex is unless you are ready and willing to deal with a pregnancy you have no business having sex- even the best birth control is only 99% so unless you are menopausal there is a 1 in 100 chance you will get pregnant.. I have a really good friend who is only here because her daddy's condom had a hole..).. I knew the risk but went againdst my better judgement and sure enough I like the other women in my mothers family and overly fertile and before you could say wow guess who was pregnant.... and where is this topic going again. oh yeah working. When I first had Warren I quit working just less than a week before I went into labor.. I thought I could go back to work within a couple month or so. .but.. WRONGCITY, population 2.. as soon as I saw that cute little red fuzzy head and cradled my son I knew there was no way I would trust that precious little bundle of boy to anyone I wouldn't even let Mike hardly do anything at first.. wwhen he was almost one I applied at a whim to a sign in CAshwise (still not sure why) and sure enought I got the job.. (which lasted almost 7 years..till last August). But I didnt' put Warren in daycare. I worked the 4-10+ shift, and Mike came home from work at 3 and took care of Warren at night.. which lasted until Mike did a short jail stint and I was forced to use daycare out of econimic neccessity.. I still hate it. Warren has had so many daycares... most f them great, but a couple of well I'm glad I dont use them anymore daycares.. now that he is in school it is not so bad.. why should I sit home all day chasing ring around the collar. I have a brain..(the really smart woman are the ones who found Mr wonderful and grabbed him.. they can afford to make choices..they have choices..) I just wish my job would follow the school calander so I could have the same off time as WArren.. but with the summer here I have had soem extra time with him, when it is really obnoxiously hot out I bring our swimming things with when I pick him up and we head for the pool. yayy West Fargo Vetrans.. we have a free public pool.. I just wish it wasnt' so crowded. .its hard to swim whn you cant move two feet with out bumping into someone..

I cant' believe its almost 10pm.. and of course I am starving.. I want french fries adn cheeseburgres and icecream ..which I need like I need more bills but I really dont care.. I have company comming on Monday.. so that means either I hyper up for an all night maid session or I go on a cleaning frenzy tommorrow.. right now I vote for tommorrow..why do today what can be put off till you have no choice. LOL.. which will be sooner than I care, as Mom is comming sans the brother .. I love my mom very much, but it means the house needs to be in better homes and gardens condition, not this finer swamps and hovels state I currently live in.. Hope fully the meeting tommorrow with be very productive.. then all I need todo is aviod another manic spending spree and I may be home free.. If I can keep my moods on level and find an anti depressent that doesn leave me stoned.. (somemight find that addictive and great , I find it unsettleing, and very unpleasnant.. I am in control of me and I hate it when something upsets that..)

also I am still very upset that someone I considered a good (online) friend decided to leave on of my favorite non SWC lists.. I understand completely why she was upset, and while I feel she may have overreacted a tad, she had good reasons.. I hope she is just taking a break to cool off.. everytie I aim her she would disappear.. I had nothing to do with the situation, and am feeling rather hurt right now.. *Kim if you read this, drop me aline and say hi.. Maybe I will send her a email later.. I know when I get upset I like to be left alone for awhile so I try to respect that for other people.. but some times I also like to talk.

I can't believe how much Warren seesm to be growing up lately.. when I asked him to tell his dad something, he actaully told me that he shouldn't be asked to messenger between his father an I, and his councelor told him so.. so mature for 8 sometimes (and others.. well LoL..) He is so right..but sometimes I dont' even realize I am doing it.

This is turning into another one of my monster entries so I guess I should bid adios before I write a book.. all though Frankly all my diary entries would make an autobiography of sorts.. even if it does sometims lean towards the lifetime victim of the week genre.. In spite of it all, the Holly ******** Story.. tonight on lifetime.. story of a stupid woman who met a jerk had a short affair that turned into an 8 year nightmare.. the longest one night stand in history.. and how she got out raised her kid alone, while battling every social service and government agecny in Eastern ND.. tonight at 11.. bring your own bricks to throw at the bad guy..

Till later



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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.