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There are no answers, only choices II

18.03.03 @ 10:50
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Note for further reference: When one has eaten baked beans two meals in a row, ordering out for Chinese loaded with cabbage, rice and soy sauce is not the most intelligent move in the world. Its a good thing I can open the windows. My stomach feels like a balloon that's been over inflated.

Later today I have another meeting at PSJ. Warren has been doing so well at home and at partial that we are thinking of phasing him back into school. I should be very happy about this, but with all that is looming on the horizon I just feel very uneasy about it. Like maybe if I can put it off, it won't come to be. The worst part is the uncertainty.

I finally got my baby back. He is starting to act like the old Warren again. He got up on Saturday on his own, and was in a good mood, at 7am. He rode his bike with me to the bus stop, volunteer to run the two blocks on bike to the Cenex and get me some soda and a donut for breakfast, so I wouldn't risk missing my bus, and even let me kiss him good bye (in public!! gasp!!). Sunday morning he came down and ate breakfast with me. This morning and yesterday he even came in and snuggled before we had to get up. He's been volunteering for extra chores to get bonus points and when he makes good, he is so proud of himself. That is my Warren. Not the surely angry boy, with a 20 year old mouth. Though that boy still comes out on occasion as well. I know the biggest risk now is if he can maintain it, with out constant pressure and help. I know I have to think of him first, but it is still ripping me to shreds. This is my baby. I nursed him and changed him and rocked him and have been his mother for almost 10 years. He is my one and only and the light of my life. To be honest, there are times when I think, I would have killed myself if I hadn't had Warren to take care of, to worry about. He saved my life, and he is largely the reason I finally had to grow up. Becoming a mother forced me to become an adult, kicking and screaming. Frankly right now, I'd really like to go run home to my own mommy.

I have a sink full of dirty dishes, a mountain of laundry, and the cupboards are rather bare. Yet I still here listening to my stereo, and staring at a computer screen. I have phone calls I need to make, and things to get done, but instead I chose to go back to bed and watch tv. Maybe I havne't grown up as much as I thought?


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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.