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Always with You It Cannot Be Done

29.04.02 @ 15:26
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If there is a bright center in the universe, I am currently living in the place furthest from it. I am so tired, It may take all night to get the keyboard pattern out of my forehead. I was so desperate for something to stimulate my over worked brain, I actually started juggling the brains we get from this particular account. (Before you give me those looks, these are foam rubber brains, about the size of a small nerf ball, with roughly the same feel. Only they are shaped like brains and have the corporate logo on them.). I was so bored I even uploaded a picture of my desktop from work. (My home computer needs major work, and I just am too lazy to do it). I had to brush out a couple of items for protections sake, so that is why there is a missing icon and a couple of the folders have wierd names. But other wise this is the machine I sit in front of for 8 + hours a day. (minus the apps). To see for yourself go here. Yes its SW, lately I've been obsessing.

My way of coping with things are too much to handle at the moment is to retreat into one of my obsessions and sort of brush it aside for awhile. Not for long, I do have a line between reality and fantasy. Just a short while, to let my subconscious do some processing. Then I am ususally able to deal with it, and move on. Right now I am just taking life one day at a time. (And that feels like more than I can handle).

I have appointments every morning this week, except today and Friday. I am also switching from my 8-4:30 back to 8:30 - 5:00. This means more time in the morning, less time in the evening. I just want the entire month of May to be over and done with, AOTC day not withstanding. Its the only day of this month, that actually holds any meaning for me. (now is that pathetic or what). On top of that, Old Muther Hubbard, has a very bare cupboard, and no motivation to shop. (Esp with an 8 year old in tow). I just want to crawl back in to my bedroom alone with my tv, where me and my friends self pity, depression, and I can have a mental health orgy. I don't want to deal with my problems. I just want to sulk. As much as I need the hugs and so forth, another part of me, just doesn't want to hear it right now. If it doesn't come with a magic fix all wand, well it helps, but it doesnt' help.

Last night I had a complete Kitten Shit because my son lost the dryer door jimmy (long story) behind the dryer. The evil one over took and I was rampaging. I still have a cut on my finger from my self desctructive tendancies. Not an intentional cut, but rather one that resulted from total over reaction. Warren and I made up, but I still feel like kitty litter. Warren couldn't get too sleep last night until near midnight. I was awake and lost in a sea of Nick at Night until about 2 am. (not good when the alarm is loud and obnoxious at 6 am on the dot).

Needless to say, neither of us in in the best of moods today. I have a rather barren pantry, no bread, and the motivation of an expireing slug. Something tells me, Dominos may be cooking again tonight. I would rather cook real food, but I just can't get my butt moving.

Maybe I'll just grab a chicken in the deli and some salad. At least then I can pretend I am feeding him something resembling a decent meal. (Funny it all seemed so easy when my mom was still being mom. We always had dinner on the table same time, meat, potatoes, vegetable, milk, and coffee. How did she do that, adn still help my dad run the farm while taking care of a house and two of the worlds most obnoxious kids?. Remind me to ask some day.).

On the brightside, if there is one. I think we will all be going to bed , very early tonight. I for one am ready already.

addendum:,br> I am going to kill the city of Fargo. Because of the deconstruction going on here, this building is once agian with out running wAter. There are several hundred employees in this building. When the water is not running, well lets just say the bathrooms are not pretty. And since it is the whole block or more or only other choice is to take a 20+min break to go run some place else, just to freaking pee!! AT least today they warned us. Last week they shut it off, with no warning at all. (must control fists of death)


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.