*Make My Day
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From broken vans to growing boys
The good news is that my van is fixed and it didn't cost me anything. (Sometimes there are definate advantages to living in this neighborhood). The bad news is I still have no money, and the house is still a mess.
Turns out the only problem with the van was that my alternator/water pump belt was trying to make and escape but only got half way there. So the van was running off the battery, which is why it had to sit half hour or more between startings, and why it was overheating. Warren mentioned it to Alex's dad who was nice enough to come over and fix it for me, and charge up my battery. For some reason Alex, Nick and Warren were all spazzing out and acting like idiots. I don't know what got into them, but they way they were running around the yard, making nyuk, nyuk noises and screeching, I got the feeling it must have been free hyper pill day at school.
Warren was very excited about his points yesterday, and he seems very excited about how many points he can get today. I think he is off to a very good start this year. Since it was my day off today, I even got up early and made banana pancakes. Its my own recipe that I invented and they came out very good, or so Warren told me (my most unfavorite can't stand them, won't touch them under death threat food is banana anything). He loves bananas. I just mashed up a frozen banana (*they were getting too ripe so I froze them to preserve flavor and keep the fruit flies away) with some milk and eggs and sugar and cinnamon and a bit of brown sugar and vanilla, than added a mixture of white/wheat/spelt flour, baking powder/baking soda/salt, and a bit more cinamon/nutmeg/allspice. They were gorgeous and I have enough batter left over to make more tommorrow. Tood bad I hate bannana, they looked so fluffy and light. I even stocked up on bread this morning, and found out my favorite bread store will be demolished on Saturday because somebody thinks Fargo doesn't have enough mini/strip malls. So they will be way out on South University where I won't be going so often. News must travel fast as it was full of seniors today. I was the only person in the whole store not alive during the Hoover administration.
Then I went to the Sunmart next door. I haven't been in this store in ages. When Warren was about 4 we lived in this neighborhood for a year or so before we got the house. Walking in this grocery store brought back a lot of memories. I remember shopping there when Warren was a preschooler, I remember they had a lobster/mussel tanks and Warren was facsinated by them. I remember him running thru the aisles and barely able to see over the frozen food case (now he reaches the stuff too high up for me). I remember walking to the store with him holding my hand, and late nights on the pay phone trying to find daycare for when I had to work the next day (as I didn't have a phone when we first moved there), and how much has changed. How freeing it is to have an older kid, yet sad at the same time. My baby boy is officially gone, in his place is an adolescant, who no longer wear's what I pick out, who has opionions on thing contrary to mine and reasons to back them up, a developing young man capbable of carrying on intelligent converstaions, a young man in every sense. The signs of childhood passing are everywhere. Its happy and sad at the same time. I am happy to be officially done with daycare, but also sad that a large part of my life is over. My son is growing up and away from me. Next year middle school, only four more years till he can get a drivers licence and hold a job, 7 more years and he will be an adult in the eyes of the law. He is over half way there. He has a long way to go, but the days of trusting my word on everything, of seeing me as the ultimate authority, are gone. His friends are as much of an influence on him now. There is a whole wide world out there, and as much as I would like to lock him in his room for the next 7 years, I can't. He is still naive enough to think he is immune to anything bad, that he is immortal, that bad things only happen to other people. It will be years before he realizes that to the rest of the world he IS other people.
One stage of my life is over and a new one has begun. One year and 8 months from now I will be the mother of a teenager. I am not ready. On tv I am half watching a show about 14 year olds having a baby. That is only three years older than Warren, the thought of my son being in that situation only three years from now, scares the crap out of me. Drugs, alchohol (esp in light of what we have both been thru because of his father, and genetics that almost certainly mean he should never chance drinking or anythign else), stupid stunts, peer pressure, these are the worries that have replaced, SIDS, potty training, reading readiness, developmental worries.
I remember some of the stuff I did at that age, sneaking off to Estevan (Sask, Canada and getting a ticket yet - never get a ticket in a that town, damn!!) with my best friend Christina when we were 17 and 15, driving around country roads being reckless and stupid and damn lucky we didn't kill ourselves, riding the four wheeler and snowmobile at crazy speeds and jumping ditches, when I left for college and started really drinking, my first hangover at 15, which I didnt' repeat for a long long time, when I first met Mike and started doing some things I am really ashamed of doing. I remember how grown up I felt, how I thought I new it all, and nothing would ever happen to me. I think of Warren in any of those same situations and it scares the living shit out of me. Life was much simpler when all I had to do was check his breathing every half hour and count how many wet and messy diapers he had to make sure he was eating. Who knew that was really the simplest part of parenthood, and the sleepless nights were just preparation for the real worries that would come later.
So when do parents stop worrying? Not when they first leave for college and are on thier own for the first time... Not when they first start life on thier own as adults...not when they become parents themselves and it all starts over again... I'm 35 my son is 11 and my 72 year old mom, still worries about me... its a vicious never ending cycle and I wouldn't have it any other way... because that would mean life with out the brightest spot in my world. Now matter how much he drives me nuts, he is my world, my reason for living, my son, and now matter how old or grown up he thinks he is, my baby boy...
Prequels ~ Sequels
Music of the mind: :
~*~Have you read these~*~
~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.
I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.
I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.