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Too Much Thinking, Hurts My Brain

21.03.02 @ 13:32
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Another day home from work spent watching sitcoms and other bad tv. I am feeling a little better than yesterday. I can at least sit up and handle solid food now. Although I am living on a diet of water, Sprite, Chereeios, and toast. The doctor wanted me to eat steamed white rice, but that is a little more work than I feel up to right now. My tonails have stopped hurting, but my head still feels like it is caught in a vice.

Mrs. S. called Warren's IEP meeting for this afternoon was cancelled. Praise the Lord!! I didn't know how I was going to make that one. Now if I can just figure out how to get him to behave in afterschool care. Most of the time he is fine. But he has a tempter and when he looses it, his rationality goes with it. When he is good, he is very good. Our neighbor lady K* thinks the world of him. He has cleaned her driveway several times this winter and is always ready to help. (esp since she pays him rather nicely also). But if something sets him off, watch out. Of all the things he had to inherit, he had to get the temper that both Mike and I (reluctantly she admits) are well known for. He is hanging by a thread right now. They are willing to work with me, but I am not sure what to do. I am thinking that since the pool is right next door, that swimming lessons might help. HE does do much better in a structured environment and the physical activity would work of some of that energy and frustration. He has been bugging me for ages to go off the high dive, but paranoid over protective mama that I am, I havent' let him. I am sure he could but..

I told him if a swimming instructor or life guard can certify that he is able to swim well enough, he can dive to his hearts delight. Swimming has always been one of his favorite sports. Now I just need to find the extra money, for my little "Mark Spitz".

The other day I was reading an article in BH&G about a place out in Montana where for a tv show three different families lived like they did back in the Little House on the Prairie days. It was very interesting and it talked about how the kids had to work and how different life was from back here in the hustle bustle of the 21rst century. For a while I had an urge to unplug the tv set. Sometimes I wonder if something along those lines would be good for Warren. I dont mean going back to 1876, but less automated everything and more chores. More having to do for him self instead of having everything done for him. I think it actually might do wonders for his self esteem. To do something hard and then look and see Wow I did this. To that his contribution is as important as anyone else's. I haven't made any plans yet but it is on my mind. Not because I have become like my parents or grandparents and think "Kids today have it so easy.. bla bla they don't know what hard is" Sometimes I think kids today do have it harder, because it is easier in some ways. If that makes any sense. There is much less a sense of family, and belonging and of everybody being required to pitch in, in order for it to work. Either that or I've been watching to many Little House reruns again.

I remember an article I read about a single mother whose son's were getting into too much trouble and she didn't like the direction they were headed so she sold everything and packed them all up to a house in Alaska, bascially in the middle of nowhere. I am not quite ready, or able to do that. But it did make a difference. They had to work they felt a part of something. It wasnt' everyone for him/herself anymore. It took everyone working together to make it. I don't know if Warren has that feeling that he matters. Sometimes I get the feeling that he hates himself and doesnt' feel like he matters. That scares me. He matters a great deal to me.

I have also thought about Big Brothers/Big Sisters, but his dad would have a cow. Never mind that he only wants to be a dad when its convientent. He still thinks a $300 check and a sperm with a good sense of direction make him a full fledged father.

Too much thinking. My brain is starting to hurt. I haven't washed my hair since Tuesday, which is also the last time I had caffiene. I look even worse than I feel. I have to pick Warren up later today, so I think I will be hitting the shower later. Much later. Right now the water drops would hurt my head.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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