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Collection of random thoughts fueled by depression

26.02.03 @ 20:58
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I'm too young to feel this old. I got up to go downstairs and get some notes I had made at work. I got as far as the top of the stairs and totally forgot why I was going to go down stairs. Of course on my way to the stairs I had stopped at Warren's room to check on him. Hard to believe I am the same person who used to watch tv, do her homework and chat on the phone all at the same time and manage to keep all of them straight. Now I feel like I need a map to go from my bedroom to the kitchen.

My baby is growing up and maturing way to fast. He has matured so much in the last month. He is able to (an eager to) run to the store and get milk for me, he goes to bed without being told, and he doesn't like to snuggle up in my bed anymore (in the morning, or before he goes to bed), adn he doesn't much have me read to him anymore. I miss those days. I'm not ready for him to grow up.

We are making yet more med changes. No more Seroquil, we are going back on the riperdal. It worked great, but had and unpleasant weight gain side effect. This time instead of tablets we are on the liquid. Right now its a quarter of the dose he was on before. So we shall see. We are also meeting with a dietician on Tuesday to try and head off the weight issue. Then Wednesday he is scheduled for a sleep deprived EKG, as they feel he may be having seizures while he is sleeping, kind of a petite mal seizure of sorts, that could also have to do with his outbursts. Poor guy. ITs gonna be a long night, and I have to find someone to cover for me to make sure I have it off.

Mike got on the outs with his friends so guess who has no place again, till this weekend. Ugh.. I went totally Sith Postal on his Ass last night. He had it comming, but I really shouldn't have went off in front of Warren. I hate the way Mike brings out the darkside in me. His mere presence is enough to totally piss me off. I feel so sorry for Warren, he seems so sad and I don't blame him. After this weekend, all bets are off.

The worst thing about Manic phases, is that they are always followed by a really bad depressive period. I have a lot to be depressed about right now, and this is not helping. I hate this. I am pissy and cranky adn so is Warren. We both have good reason to be depressed. I hate what this situation is doing to him. I hate it hate it hate it.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. It really means alot. The industry sucks right now, for the work I want. I need a challange, and a flexible environment, that doesn't micromanage every bloody freaking second of my time.

The callers the last few days, have been like outpatients from the idiot farm. I mean I had one lady go off on me because her package was at the Post office, who had left a note in her box. I was supposed to know the post office number and arrange for it. Hello you dumb turkey brain, you are in teh Bronx and I am in North Da fucking kota. What does she really think I can do. Its not my fault if you don't know where your own Post office is, can't read a stupid phone book adn have to commute to NJ for work so you can't be home. I mean honestly.

Then there are the callers who want to call in an order and then mail us a check. Because you know we have nothing better todo all day than sorting 4000 orders and checks. Once guy wanted to have it all called in and ready so he could just mail in the order and the check but it would already be on the way. When I told him we couldnt' do it that way, he took it like a personal offence. "well I've been doing business with you and others for 20 years and I ain't never done you..bla hbah blah..". Um dude do you have any idea how many orders we get in a day.

Then there are the people who just don't know when to shut up. I swear I know enough about some of these people to blackmail them for life. Or when you are verifying their ingfo and they interupt you a thousand times to say it for you, and when you ask them a question, they give you an answer that has nothing to do with what you asked them. Or they mail and order and then call 4 days later and wonder why they haven't rec'd it yet, because we all know the post office does same day delievery from Poughkipsie to Fargo. Blech..

And I won't even start with the people who never mastered the art of hanging up the GAWD DAMN phone, I mean I realize it is such a complicated process that requires the coordination of chewing gum and walking at the same time, but you would be amazed at how many people can't do this. We end the call and unless I hang up, I can hear them in the back ground, then thy come back 5 minutes later an wonder why I am still on the phone. **smack**

Warren had another round of blow ups today, which meant missing another hour and half of work, almost 2 hours. I don't qualify under FMLA, because I havne't work thier long enough (12 mos or 1000 hours). UGh. I wonder if that has anything to do with why Step on Employees Inc, dropped my but. Something else I should have moved on from by now, but haven't. I still have the box of stuff I packed up from my desk, in my closet mostly untouched. I can't deal with it. How sad of a case is that?

On the brightside, Warren and I made a loaf of bannana bread tonight. I must love the kid, I wouldn't put up with the gut wrentching stench of mashed banana's for anyone else. It figures my son's favorite fruit would be evil disgusting devil fruit. (For anyone new to this diary, I LOATE bananas. The smell alone makes me sick to my stomach. The though of eating one... well my stomach would never tolerate it. I get ill just thinking about it. I'd rather sit and watch Hollywood pat itself on the back again in yet another self serving aren't we great awards show. (Yes this means I did not watch the Grammy's). Frankly I really don't give a baboon's bright read behind, who appeared in what over priced piece of crap that could feed a family of four for six months.

How was that for a random change of topics. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna crawl under my bed and stay there until spring.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.