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Little things mean alot

Sunday, Dec. 07, 2003 @ 10:31 pm
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I've been thinking alot lately, since the big toe-stairs fiasco, about how many little things I take for granted everyday. Things that I normally never think about or even notice, but that are actually quite important. Like my toe. Normally I don't even think about toes, it took breaking one, for me to realize just how much I really depend on them. There are so many little things that I never think about, but would really miss if they were gone. For example, hot water, heaven scented shampoo, light bulbs that work, neighbors who shovel your driveway just to be nice, favorite tv programs being on when you expect them, and I could go one. None of these things are major life or death, yet its amazing how much I take for granted that they will always be there, and it isn't until one they they aren't that I realize what I had. Its amazing what big difference these little things can mean. I guess what I am saying is it is has me thinking, if it is so easy to take the little things for granted, what about the big things.

The night I broke my toe, when I finally fell asleep, I had a very disturbing dream involving my son. Two days later it still has me wigged. I don't remember all the details, but I remember for some reason I had to give Warren up every weekend to this "foster" family of sorts in Richardton (which is a town in ND, with a large Convent). I have no idea why this town, came in to my head. But I remember having to drive an hour every weekend to take him to this "home". Why it was daylight at 7pm in Decemeber I will never know. I just remember them being at my house (and I still have no idea exactly who "they" are, I never actually saw anybody, and there were no names. I remember feeling like I was being inspected. I remember them going thru my fridge, and my getting mad. For some reason RB was there and had scrubbed the fridge, but left a scrub brush, (which was actually a metal brush like the kind used in a shop) in the bottom of the fridge in dirty water. I just remember the whole dream was about my having to give Warren away because I wasn't being a good enough mom. I woke up in a panic when they wanted to take him totally away from me. It was only when I saw the clock and it said 5:30 am that it dawned on me I was only dreaming, and my son was safe and snug and sound alseep in his own bed.

Then I tried to get up to be, and reality gave me a real jolt.

Last night I feel asleep on the couch with my leg proppedup on pillows and the arm rest of the couch. When I woke up at 1am, my foot was alseep. My toe felt like I had a rubber band around the base cutting off all the circulation above it, and the rest of my foot was all tingly..."pins and needly".. I tell you that was the weirdest thing I have ever felt. I feel so dumb walking on the crutches, but I can't bend my left foot so its easier. It just feels dumb to have to go thru so much trouble, because I forgot how to walk down stairs. (either that or the steps had babies while I was gone).

The swelling has gone down, and now I only have one very dark purple bruise right where my main toe bone connects to my foot, and some lighter purpleishness on the inside of my toe. Its still swollen, but not nearly so much. Whenver the drugs where off, it feels like I have too tight of a rubber band wrapped around it, but I just can't get it off. Anybody want to trade feet. I am so not looking foreward to the podiatrist..

I also just realized, every major injury I have ever done, has been to the left side of my body.. I swear that it proof I am not in my right mind at all.. (sorry a little neruological humor there).


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: The hypotwitical, favorite playing management of Vitamin Hell
Thankful For: ummmmm drugs... drugs good.. I love my pain drugs..
Music of the mind: : Cosby theme...

~*~Have you read these~*~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.