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Oddly Normal

17.09.01 @ 23:43
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It feels almost wrong, but I actually had a semi normal day today. Normal if you dont count the waking nightmares of airplanes crashing into buildings, or the urge to cry everytime I read another story or hear another sad or patriotic song. But if we are going to win we have to continue to live our lives. Life goes on, or so the saying goes. I've been told I'm a strong woman, funny I don't feel very strong. I guess people can do a lot when they don't have any choice. I cope and go on, because I have a son and that doesn't leave me any alternative. To go to bed and throw myself a pity party is a very attractive prospect, but it would be selfish and wrong, and so I paste on my strong survivor mask and pretend I am not terrified and scared to death.

Today actually felt like another day in the life. I picked up Warren from daycare, he had another great day at school. So we decided to celebrate. He wanted to go to Space Aliens, but I told him that we can't afford the video games, not to mention they are not a cheap place to eat. So we went to Royal Fork instead. Actually I am proud of my self. Usually I make like a pig at a trough but I was a good girl today. It was eerie. The place was about usual for a Monday night. It wasn't dead, but it wasnt busy. The pianist was playing songs of a more somber nature which only added to the mood. I almost started crying when she went into Amazing Grace and then Nearer My God to Thee. After supper I made the mistake of mentioning coat shopping to Warren. (*note to self, next time you get the urge to take Warren shopping for clothes, hit yourself in the head*) Sounds like a normal mother son evening out right. Wrong. I think a do it yourself root canal would have been less trouble. First stop TJ Maxx. Not a lot of choice but some good selections. Prices pretty good. Not for my son. Not soft enough, its not reverseble, I dont like that color. Okay. lets try another store. Oh look Gordmans, I havent been there yet. We walk around first in the Young mens part. No Warren I am not going to by leather or suede for a second grader. Finally we find the boys coats. Apparently Gordmans and TJ Maxx have the same supplier. Same coats higher price. Okay. Warren begs for Old Navy so we drive accross the road and go to Old Navy. Not even close to what he wants. He is getting grouchy and I am more than ready to go home. Then Warren whines and makes out like its gonna blizzard tommorrow and I'll be sorry. So out of desparation ,or stupidity, not too mention sheer exhaustion. I say okay one more place. Off to West Acres we go. This time we go to JC Penney. Whee up the escalator find the boys side. Lots of coats. After carefully inspecting everyone for lining and feel. He decides to try on one. No mom not Black, it makes me look like a girl. I hate red. Blue mom I like Blue so we try on a blue coat. Right coat wrong size. Look at a few others. and then the most dreaded words a parent hears when shopping. "Mom I gotta go bathroom". Me: "now, cant you hold it" Warren: "No I gotta go now" Ask for directions, zoom down the escalator look around, ask again, find the rest rooms, then up the escator again and start inspecting every coat. Finally after checking out and inspecting every coat on the rack in Penneys he finally decides. Bright Shiny blue Nike and "its reversible too mom". One bright side it is 25% off. Good deal for me. Then I hear now we just need to find a hat and gloves. Shiny blue gloves mom." "Later Warren, no not those, I am not spending $25 on gloves for some one who goes threw three pair in one winter" Finally we pay for the coat and head home, with my little Ralph Lauren jr. falling asleep in the back seat. I guess its only fair that the pickiest hardest to buy clothes for parents in the world would produce a child who is soo picky about what he wears. But ugh. Is this pay back for all the torment I put my mom thru in the clothing dept or what. When did the little boy who would wear anything I put on him suddenly become Mr. Fashion, and don't forget mom, shiny blue okay.

It all seemed like a nice normal day in my nice safe bubble. My nice little bubble where paying bills, going to work, and keeping up with my chores are the big worries. Then I get home and as Warren is getting ready for bed I turn on the tv. "POP"!! My bubble has disappeared. Yesterdays big problems are now seeming stupid and trivial. I am worrying about cable and internet and new coats. There are people who have less to eat and arent treated as well as most American pets. Suddenly I go from happy to guilty. I feel like why was I born here, why do I have it so nice, when many in the world are going to bed cold and hungry. I worked hard for where I am, but I was also fortunate enough to be born in a country where I have that opportunity. I was reading about Afganistan on the internet to know exactly what is going on. I believe in being informed. My God, the woman over there don't have the rights we give a stray dog. I think the entry that this entry in Alternamommy's diary says it all. I also suggest that before people get all angry and start talking about random violence they hit a few news sites and get the whole story. Now more than ever we need to use the higher part of our brains, not the instinctual emotional part. Some of the comments I have read on the web in places are sickening. I mean my God have some of these people ever read a book in their lives. "Get a few facts first Billy Bob, than maybe I'll actually take your opinion seriously". Yikes!! If you are gonna have an opinion at least have some accurate facts to back you up. I have a lot to learn, but I am also educating myslef slowly. I never used to pay that much attention to current events. But now it is vital to know exactly what is going on. And why many places in the world hate the USA But that is no excuse for Tuesday's attacks. Nothing justifies this. Dammit enough is enough!! We have been a snotty neighbor sometimes, but we have also done a hella lot a good in the world. Now is not the time to be pointing fingers. And when I hear non Americans attack us, well even if there may be some truth in what they are saying it riles me. Why, because wrong plus wrong will never = right. Somethings are just wrong, they have always been wrong and they always will be.

But then on the good side, I have also read some wonderful things, written by people. If I can ever find that link I am looking for it will be time to hit the hay. Man these news sites have the slowest search engines on earth. Forget it. I 'll find it later. Holly

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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