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The Sound of Silence

27.02.03 @ 20:54
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I am not really ready to talk about things. Warren is doing better in some ways, but he is still losing his temper out of the blue and taking it out and who ever happens to be there. He can hold it together for a short time when he has to, but when he relaxes it comes out.

He has a lot to be angry about. He loves to snuggle up and I know inside he prefers me, but he loves his dad and needs a father figure to look up to. Mike can't be that figure. He snuggles with me, and then when Mike comes he pulls away from me. Tonight Mike Yelled at both of us because we ate two hambugers. "You both just want to get fatter adn fatter don't you". Warren was crestfallen. He deserves so much better. Mike doesn't even realize how hurtful he is. I was able to distract him with some playful tickling and we talked abit.

He needs more than a short term partial at PSJ can give him. They are recomeneding Group or Residential care for six months to a year. I know deep down that it is best for him, but I don't like it. I feel like a total failure as a parent, and I fear Warren may hate me for it. I think in the long run it might help and then it will give me the freedom I need to get rid of Mike for good. And Warren will be where he can cope with it. I can't take anything more. I feel like a total failure. I let him down. I can't read or sign as much anymore. I just can't handle happy families all together with the kids. It will most likely not be for a month or more and I miss him already. Its all I can do not to cry right now. I just keep replaying all the events of the past year and how if I did things differently we might not be in this situation. I have an acute case of the what if's and I want to go to bed and never get up.

Warren doesn't know yet, and we decided its best not to tell him unti things are set and definate as he will go balistic and I'm sure he will be quite hurt. But unless there is a drastic change and quite soon, there is no other choice.

I can't deal with this now.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.