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But its not fair

15.03.02 @ 11:56
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Appears there will be no Friday Fives today, as the site is having technical issues today.

I am also having my own technical issues of a physical nature. I seemed to have downloaded a Streptococcus virus. At least possibly. I have been feeling like a train wreck victim the last few days, but my throat hasnt' been that sore. However the girl who sits right across from me at work was sick the day before I got hit. Yesterday she called in sick and had tested positive for good old Strep. That is just so wonderful (not). Warren isn't feeling the greatest either, so I am praying we didn't get that bug as I can't afford a lousy prescription right now, and not another paycheck for almost a week yet. And to top it off, my stupid body is sending out the "come hither" signals to all the area vampires again. So needless to say I am in a something less than a good mood. Today I am most definately living up to my screen name. I am Cranky, hear me bitch.

"It's not Fair", is a phrase, probably one of the few phrases, uttered at one time or another by virtually every one on the planet. Usually it is most often heard on the playground right before somebody not happy with the current rules, decides to take their ball and go home. It is also commonly heard from the mouths of those whose parents have just said no to something that "Everyone else's parents" said yes to. As we get older we still tend to say "its not fair"

." Its not fair that Susie has 10 kids and doesn't take care of them, but I who wants a baby more than air, can't have kids".

Its not fair that Justine comes home to a stay at home mom and two happily married parents while Warren has to stay in an afterschool program, because his mom works and his parents hate each other"

Its not fair that good people die young, while evil people live to an old age"

"Its not fair that 1000's of innocent people died because of someone's hate, while the person who ordered it continues to live free in hiding"

Its not fair that a large portion of the world goes to bed hungry everynight, while others live in the lap of luxury and have no idea what hard is"

Its not fair that I gain wait at the sight of food, while one of my friends can eat like a starving horse and never gain a pound"

"Its not fair, that others are happy and I am not"

"Its not fair, Its not fair, Its not fair....."

Life is not fair. Where is it written that life is always going to be fair, that if you are good and eat your vegatables and do your homework life will be easy. Its not. Life is very hard. Even those who may to appearances have it easy, may be just very good at appearances. If you haven't walked in thier shoes you dont' know, you are just assuming. I have a lot of problems in my life, however there are millions of people in the world who would look at my life and think I have it made. I have a home, I have a healthy son, I have my mom and my brother. No one in my family goes to bed hungry, or scared. That is more than a large portion of people on this planet can say. Yet there are more things I want. I look at people with their happy kids and their perfect marriages and think why not me?

Why?? There is no answer to that question. Why am I the one with biploar disorder? Only God knows the answer to that question. Why did I have to get pregnant and have a child with a man I despise. Because I was young and stupid and though I knew it all, and made some very bad decisions. Somethings we may never no why, other hells are totally self made. But I know that if I had made other decisionns I might not have my son right now. I might have gone back to NDSU, when I had first planned, entered a different major and my life would be totally different. Would it be better? Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. I am not a psychic I can't devine that. But this is the way things happened and this is my ball to play. I may not always like it, but when it comes down to it, well whining about how it sucks really make things any better, or will it just get in the way of my doing what I need to do to and it certainly isn't going to help the situation. If anything it is just going to make things worse, by focusing all of my rescources on the negative instead of allowing me to see the positive. My son doens't have a wonderful happy two parent home, BUT, he does have a mother who would die for him in an instant, and a father who really does, inspite of it all love him. That alone is something wonderful even if it doesnt' always seem like it.

Instead I am going to at least attempt to focus on what is positive in my life and on what I have the power to change.

I can ever change the fact that Mike is Warren's father, but I can change how I choose to react to him, and how I react to the other issues in my life. I can't change the fact that my father is deceseased, but I can change how I relate with my mother. I can't change the economy, but I can do what ever I have to to feed my son, even if that meant I had to get a job at McDonalds untill a good job comes along.

Fortunately I have a good job, but there are no guarantees in this world. This is the price I pay, I am an adult. Sometimes it sucks, but sometimes it is wonderful . That is life, lots of good, lots of bad, but mostly lots of in between. Its not fair, never has been never been fair and never will be fair. The simplest lesson, is also one of the hardest.


Prequels ~ Sequels

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.