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I am hating my job..

19.10.01 @ 22:43
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Well well, two entries in one day. Must be a full moon. I am feeling rather mixed up and unhappy at the moment. I mentioned a few entries back, (and yes I am too lazy to look it up, check end of Sept, beginning of Oct) that Gladiator (my boss, who happens to look like Russell Crowe) is moving to Colorado because of his news wifes career. Well today was his last day. That isn't exactly what is causing my problems but it is part of it. He was kinda the glue that kept our team organized, and sorta was the binder of our book. (Its late I'm tired, so screw the creative metaphors... *arnold arnold rimmer he's o so vantasic swimmer...what o never mind..its Friday night that means Red Dwarf and Dr. Who one of the few tv moments I look forward to but anyway..) While he was gone there was some unspoken antaganism about who is in charge of what. StBernard has/had a crush of epic porportions on Gladiator, who knows he is good looking, and who enjoyed (like any hormonal male) all the extra attention.. "Oh Gladiator . you can't leave until you show me how to do this..." and always just flirting and fluttering around him. (gag me..) Then there is Eddiewannabe (the guitar player..) who is a very outgoing talkative friends with Everyone kinda guy. They sorta seemed to think they were in charge. No one was actually left in charge all though St. Bernard did do the reports. There were other issues about pending cases, and some of the ways they were trying to take over the team. I am as senior as they are, and frankly S* and I agree that we are far better techs, and as far as the account goes I probably know the software better than all of them put together. (Which would explain why Cuss Service always comes to Me with questions.). Because of the movement of another account for more computers, the Cuss serv had to move over to another set of cubes and our techs moved in to their area. Well all but me. There weren't enough cubes. No that Gladiator is gone and I* may be moving to the JL account there are two spots open. Of course Eddiewannabe grabbed Gladiators spot right away. and claimed it. I had mentioned in exit one on one and evaluation with Gladiator (there is another issue there, regaarding supposed issues with attendance. umm yeah. I am never late, have always called and have only missed work for very good reasons, such as my son haveing F**ing pneumonia, or going to court.. Which once again leaves me in the cube from Hell in my own little corner away from teh rest. Or I can takes Eddiewannabe or I* cube (which St* has claimed) so I get stuck facing away again, in a cube wiht no shelves and no place for anything. I bust my ass for this account and I get treated like crap. Now the K*v*n and K*r*n are handling the managerial things it might get better as they are much less biased, and know what is going on. But I just really feel hurt. I had talked to Gladiator about some of this too. He was understanding, but I felt like what I was getting was mainly double talk and a feeling of well gee maybe you should kiss up more. WEll excuse me. I wasn't aware that my job description included socializing after hours. I am not a social person. I don't liked large gatherings where everyone gets all cliquey and anyone who isn't in their little group gets ignored. I had enough of that crap in high school. I always though people out grew that kinda crap. I wasn't exactly promised the spot, which is prime and right across from S* who is also a great friend, but it was alluded to for me. I feel I earned it. I get a few small bones here and there other wise I just get kicked or ignored. I was on the verge of crying when I left work today. I just dont' know whats gonna happen now. Also there is a brand new account comming to our company. It is a huge huge account, very well known. I can't say anynames out side of work, because of confidentiality agreements. Its a big group of specialized software programs, that would require dealing with a lot of higher ups and VIP wanna be's, that is a client where a lot of brownnosing and high profesionalism and a thick skin would be required. It is however also an account which would be great for spicing up a resume, and for networking and for working up in the company, if I decide to stay. I am seriously thinking of going for it. They want people with BA's however and I am one semester short of a BA in anything, although I do have my AA. I am thinking I could do this. It would be a great challange. I am a great learner and I need to be challanged. But at the same time I like comfort and familiarness, yet too much of that and I get bored. Like now. There is more to learn and now on the account I am currently one, but the client wont' let us, and a lot of it is that the servers are in Oakland, and we dont have accesss, so we have to esc certain things. Yet we will most likely be getting more duties as time goes on, since goodness knows we have more than proven our selves. I hate major decisions. And then of course I found out about a great opening for double what I make down, except it is in Des Moines, and I am not willing to move, because it would be way to disruptive to Warren who is finally settled and making friends at school and Scouts and the court battle and selling the house just wouldn't be worth it. I just dont' know what I am going to do. Jobs in this industry aren't as easy to get as they used to be, yet I can't come home form work as a super bitch each day. I am aslo starting to slide at work. I feel annoyed when the phone rings. I am able to answer nicely and be polite3 and professional to anwer their questions, but underneath what I am really feeling like doing is screaming at them, what the H* do you want know. Can't you figure anything out. arrggg.. Maybe I just need a vacation, I hear Mars is nice this time of year. Any one got a jelly baby??

Saturday I have to work again. Oh well lately Sats have been very slow. Since I am the second person I can leave after 12. I was finally able to clean the downstairs last week. Only I would be shampooing rugs at 2 am. God Bless Sunmart. It took almost the entire half gallong of rug shampoo. which should have done twice or three tiems the room. Yes my carpet was that disgusting. I won't even mention how much sand I cleaned out, after vacuuming numerous times. It cost over $40, but it was worth it. I finally have a living room I'm not ashamed of, at least for a while. I even cleaned the kitchen, which I know I've mentioned before as their was an alien hiding under my veggie crisper. This weekend it will be my room and the bathroom that get cleaned up. (Warren will have to do the toy room and his room, they are part of his job). If I start now, it may be back up to MyMom standards in time for my family visit over Christmas. If this sounds odd, take into account that my mom is of the variety that has the dishes done practically before everyone is done eating. She has a kitchen so clean you could perform surgery on the counter top. I kid you not. I grew up with this, is it anyone my inner rebel turned me in to superslob.

Its times like this I would kill for a working cd player, (my computer is having sound card issues and I cna't afford to fix it.) I really really need to listen to some good Meatloaf right now, but my ex managed to loose or destroy my cassettes. I have the cd's but nothing here to play them on. Damn..

I am also getting more highly warped googles. Mr. Moms incest pictures, diaryland migraine, and some not so odd ones, chocolate chip cookie recipe, Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth, and some others I can't think of at the moment.

Chloe (I've started calling her Cordelia, since that is who she acts like), my calico kitty is all curled up sleeping next to me in her little kitty bed. Chester, the Ed Bundy of kitty cats, is smack in the center of my bed taking his between snooze, nap. As per his usual, when I go to move him, he will make like a poor abused kitty and look at me like some evil cat hater for making him move over. Then he will go over and take it out by bopping on Chloe who will proceed to tell him what he can do with him self, (all of this of course will be in hisses growls and spits...). Cats can be so entertaining.

I dont' feel like writing much right now. My creativity seems to have taken a vacation. I feel like there is an out to lunch sign on my nose.. Either that or my brain commited suicide and forgot to tell my body. I'm off to go curl up with my pillow and try not to cry. I can be an ice bitch on the outside sometimes, but most of the time inside I am just a very toasty marshmellow, one wrong move and I am goo on the floor.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.