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When it rains it pours

Tuesday, Aug. 05, 2003 @ 10:55pm
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I changed the font to a darker blue color, so hopefully those whose monitors didn't like the white on aqua, can read this better. Let me know if I need to change it again. I have another layout already in my head, but I need to get to the library and scan a picture in first.

Warren had another bad day. There are only three days left of summer schoool, but Warren made sure to act out so that they don't want him back, because they are set up to deal with it. Whenever he wants to get out of something or decides he doesn't like a place, he acts up so he can get in trouble and get out of doing whatever he doesn't like. He is also able to pull himself together most of the time, if he has to. I'm sick of this. If I can't get help thru the school system, then I'll have to take matters in to my own hands.

For what its worth I called Sylvan and have an appointment set up for next week, to tour and see what they might be able to do to help him with his reading. From the information the web site chat, and the local director provided me with, it sounds like they have a program that might work with Warren. I'm scared to death what will happen to him down the road in the higher grades if he doesn't get his reading skills up to grade level. He is more than intelligent enough, he has been exposed to books and papers and pencils etc.. since he was an infant. Something is making it hard for him. Somedays he wants to learn, other days he acts like he could care less. I know he feels stupid, and his self esteem is under the bed. Hopefully some outside intervention will help bring it back up. I have no idea how I am going to pay for it, but I think my mom may be willing to help. Since it isn't a medical issue, my insurance won't cover it. I wish it would.

His camping trip tonight was also postponed until Thursday because of the rain. (Go away already). He was really down about that. I know he should have been grounded after today, but I just couldn't. I understand the schools point, but I also know that while summer school isn't required, my son needs the help as much or more than many of the kids in summer school, and he is manipulating everyone to get out of it, because he doesn't like anything that is hard or frustrating. His frustration tolerance is non existant. But talking to the director, I am hoping this program will be able to motivate him, and make him want to read.

I have to admit after this fiasco today, I felt lower than I have in a long time. Facing my birthday already has me looking back over my life and wondering what have I done, why did I do what I did, and other guilt traps about how I've managed to mess up my life. Having a bad day with Warren only added to the guilt. I feel like I'm the one responsible for many of his problems, I feel like I'm not a good enough mother. I don't have a nice spotless house with homemade meals everynight. I picked a morally challanged pothead for a father, and I can't even keep my own illness in check. I love my son to pieces, but on more than one occasion I can't help but think he wouldn't have most of these problems if he had different parents. That a different mom could do a better job. I know my son loves me, and he is my world. Right now we are all we have, but I still have the nagging feeling that I am cheating him, that he would be better off with out me. I know I personally am not to blame for everything, and that he is his own person who is repsonsible for his own choices. But somehow, that doesn't make it any better.


Prequels ~ Sequels

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.