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Growing up is hard on Mom

11.01.02 @ 13:37
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If anyone is good with carving cars from a block of wood, I am not too proud to ask for help. (I really really appreciate all the train help I had. thanks!). Looking ahead to the requirements for the arrows however, I can see we have some work cut out for us. But he is so proud when they give him his awards. He feels so good about his accomplishments.. For instance on one of his achievemetns he had to plan out and cook a meal for the family (ie me and him), with moms supervision of course. He planed a great meal of noodles in mushroom soup, carrots and celery, milk and I can't remember what else. but he did it all. (Well mom helped with the cooking part, but) He set the table, and layed out everything even decorating the plates. For a very first cooking experience it was all very good. (I have never eaten so many carrots at once, but hey at least he was thinking nutrition and the food groups). He was so proud, you would have thought he just won a Nobel Prize. I can't wait until derby day. I just need to get us busy on this car. My son wants to make Eagle Scout as a high schooler, well its gonna be a lot of work for both of us. I think he can do it. I also would be the one in the front row cheering the loudest, and rubbing many many peoples noses in it. Starting with his father, and certain teachers, and others who looked down on me, the way I live and how I choose to raise my son. It would be one hell of a salute to single mothers and just how well we can raise our kids as good as any married parent who has a working husband and the luxery of being home with her kids.

I would love that, but I didn't draw that hand. I don't however feel that all working moms (and really all moms work, even if it isn't in an office or factory with a fancy check, kids are work dammit!!) are selfish career oriented witches who sacrifice thier children on the alter of yuppiness. Some of us work to pay bills and put our kids in child care because we have no choice. I have to work or I don't eat or have a place to live. My son is many years away from being home alone. He has school now, but once upon a time I had to make other arrangements.

I do not make my son sleep in his school clothes, he has a breakfast everymoring and plenty of time to get ready. (granted soemtimes it is toaster waffles or instant oatmeal but this isn't exactly junk food either). I am at every program, Scout meeting, parent conference etc.. I do not go out evenings unless I have my son with me. I spend my weekends with my boy, except when he is with his Dad. I do not sleep around, I am not out trolling for husbands as I dont' need one. I have taken care of things this long why would I want one now. He would just get int the way. Maybe someday (tommorrow even who knows?) I might change my mind. I dont' think my son is suffereing. I nursed him on demand from birth and he gradually "weaned" him self off by the age of three. I had him in or next to my bed, I always put his needs first even if it meant sacrificing my own. I used disposable diapers because I preferred spending time with my son to doing laundry. I read to my son every night since before he was born. Books are our special time. But I also am a person separate from my son, and he from me. He is getting older, and other people's opinions are starting to become more important. Mommy is no longer the wise old all knowing person she was just a few short years ago. He still needs me and I am still very important he just can't say it so anymore. It is becomming more important to fit in and be more manly. That my little boy is growing up and will soon be hitting adolecence is just a bit much to handle right now. I remeber when he first changed from a baby to a toddler, then later from toddler to preschooler and then to a young boy. Those I managed to handle, because he was still a baby to me. He will always be my baby, even when he is a grown man with grand babies.

But this change is different.. He is along way from grown up, but he is changing. He has started on that long journey that will end with becomming a man. I know I am doing right and doing the best I can, but what kind of a man will he be. Will he continue to be strong and independant or will he gave to the need to be accepted and fit in. Will he find friends who accept him as he is, or will he decide to change in order to fit in. Will he sucumb to the pressure to drink and do other things, or will my value truimph and he will be a clean wholesome young man with values and goals in life. I always thought life would be easier when he got older. Somethings are easier, but not everything. The issues coming up are a lot more complex than cloth vs. disposable or wether or not to start with squash or spinach. I never thought I would actually start missing the days of babyhood. The road ahead is full of forks and while I am an influence I am having less and less say in which road he chooses to go down. The hardest part of letting your kids grow up, is that they also grow away.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
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~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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