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Not a bang, but a whimper

18.05.03 @ 23:02
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If the world were going to end tomorrow, who would you spend today with?
the only man I need in my life right now, my son Warren MichaelIf the world were comming to an end, and for the sake of this question I am assuming I obviously know that it is comming, otherwise it would be a mute point. But anyway back to the question at hand, which really boils down to, who is the most important person or persons in my life. That is a decpetively easy question. My son is the most obvious choice. Assuming this isn't twenty odd years in the future when my son is on his own and living someplace that isn't near by, and that I have a chance to go to the people I want, I would choose first and foremost my son. He is my only child, and he is quite definately rather he admits it or not, Mom's

However this is the part where things get complicated. The person I would least like to spend my last remaining minutes with, is someone I am quite sure my son would like to spend his last time with. Thus while I would prefer it to be just me and my son, my son would prefer that it would be both of his parents, and that for once in our relationship since the night we concieved him we could actually act like two people who once cared enough about each other to get close enough to make a baby.

Out of respect for my son, and I guess also out of basic human decency I would be spending my end of days attempting to make nice with a man, who reacts to pressure and impending doom by lashing out at anyone who happens to be near. The other side of this is that I would also, if there were enough time, spend it with my mom and my brother since they are all the immediate family I have left. Since neither of them can stand Mike, but yet a child has the right to love both parents, my end of days would probably be pretty much like my life already. Except that I like to think if we knew for a fact that this was it, and we weren't gettin any do-overs that maybe for once, we could make like adults and stop the stupidity if only for our son's sake. That's what I would like to think. Would it work out that way? That is a question I would really prefer to never find out the answer to. I like this world.

As messed up, screwed up, and scary as it can sometimes be, it can also be at time a great place, with great wonders and some shining examples of real beauty. I would like to think the Mother Theresa's, the Ghandi's, the Lincoln's of the world will someday out number and out power the Hitlers, the Husseins, the Castro's of the world. That we will finally learn, a better way than to blow ourselves and each other up. That a person's worth comes from what you can't see, not what is visible to the eye. That love between consenting adults in a commited relationship of respect, and equality is a good thing, no matter what the genders involved. That pushing one's religious views on othe people drives away more than it brings in. That judging starts with the person who stares back from the mirror, not with your neighbor. Unfortunately I can't even live up to all of these ideals myself, so why should I expect the rest of the world to move from socialogical adolescence and into young adulthood.

Maybe its just me, but I feel that if the world is going to end, it won't be because of natural selection or asteroids or sudden changes in climate, it will most likely be because man refuse's as a whole to grow up, and would destroy his own world in the name of protecting it, from those they deem unworthy. Not in a big boom, of instant destruction, but in a slow, gradual destruction, such as is already happening in many parts of the world.

I live in one of the few areas left where kids can safely go out and play, even after dark. Where I can let my son and his friends ride up to the store and know they will be safe. Yet are they really? The year my son was born, there was a dissapearance right here in Fargo. Jeanna's parents thought she was safe. They didn't know the strange neighbor across the street, was a convicted pedophile who would do anything to protect himself, even kill a child. Jacob Wetterling lived in a safe small town as well, and he has not been heard from in over 15 years.

No I don't think the world will end in a fast boom, if the world comes to an end it will be a slow and gradual one, and by the time it happens it will be to late. But it doesn't have to be that way. I don't mean we have to be all lovey dovey to all our neighbors like some "Happy Ever After" ending of a bad movie, I mean by just knowing what's going on, by taking a stand on something, by not tolerating hate, by knowing who lives next door, by knowing who belongs and who doesn't. By reaching out to people and not judging someone until we actually know the parts of that person that we can't see. Until we realize that yes there is definately evil in the world, but that some of what we see as evil is really mental illness spun out of control, and that it could have been prevented if someone had headed the warning signs, (not always but often), and paid attention and just plain gave a freaking damn about someone other than their ownselves. When someone starts acting different, there is a reason. When something seems unusual check it out, or if you fear safety report it to someone who can. Start seeing people as people, not as just other beings, but as human beings. Don't let your own pain be so loud it prevents you from hearing anyone else's pain.

I don't know exactly where all this came from as I started out just writing a simple answer to a very over done question, but apparently it turned into something totally different. Well its not like that has never happened before.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.