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Every thing louder than everything else

30.01.03 @ 21:23
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More thanks for the lovely guestbook notes. I was glad I could be of help to you.. It is an all to unfortunatly more common disorder, that is still often treated like a character disorder, or a product of poor parenting instead of the treatable mental illness it really is. Probably in large part to people who abuse the sytem with phoney conditions and ruin it for those people who truly do need help. Not to mention a govt more intersted in blowing things and people up, than in building them up, but don't get me started or I won't have any friends.

I met with Warren's therapist today, and after talking to her and the nurses and other staff and seeing the changes, well Warren just might get the help he actually needs this time. Imagine that, a staff that is actually intersted in doing thier freaking job, what a thought. Warren is doing quite well although he did have a time out because he and his roommate got into a tiff over only they know what. He still has problems and it looks like he may be there for at least another 10 - 12 days. Poor guy, he is dealing with it quite well. Too bad I can't totally say the same for his poor beleaqured mother.

Meat loaf is helping though. (the singer not the entree). Adjusting the meds seems to be helping him sleep, but he still wants a radio as he (once again like dear old mom) finds it very hard to sleep in a silent room. Unless I have a major migraine, and often even then I absolutely must have a tv or radio playing at all times. I simply cannot tolerate silence. I'm sure it stems from too much alone time in my room with nothing but my own imagination for company, because my mom couldn't cope with me. Not when Golden boy had so many pressing problems. (reason number one on my list of why I will most likely never have a second child, I simply won't put Warren or another sibling thru what I went thru. My problems were poo pooed or missed because my brothers were so much more troubling and obvious, and since I got good grades and stayed out of serious trouble I must have been okay right?).

I think Warren inherited/learned it from me. I also function better when I am under pressure and when I am multi tasking many things at once. Weird. If I am not challenged I get bored and that is when it gets dangerous.

Its only a matter of time before Mike gets picked up, because of the DUS (long long story), as they already have a warrent out for him, and he can't afford bail. But he will rise again I am sure, scum always floats on top of the pond. At least that will get him totally out of my hair. I am also waiting to hear from the folks at PATH, where I spent over an hour filling out paperwork and such this morning. J* there told me it was almost a sure bet, they just need to wait to hear from the MA people. I also had to go to the Soc Serv building to fill out paperwork and reapply for that. I loathe that place. It is one of the most demeaning places I've been. Your begging for money an you have to go thru a freaking medal dectector and have your belongings searched. I worked my @$$ off for a better life only to have the horse kicked out from under me. FUCK IT!! I am skilled adn educated and plan to work dammit, I just nead freaking insurance because my company won't cover you until three months of full time employement and if I go below 32 hours in a week, well fuck me.

I am also looking into some serious research on the FMLA to make sure when I finally talk to B* I have my bases covered, because they can't hold these days I've missed against me. Mental illness is just that, a freaking illness. If he had diabetes or lukemia or something they would all be like fundraising and shit, but because its mental well you can just take of that and its dealt with right.? Idiots.

I can tell they never had to be in the ER with an out of control child who was screaming "why me, what did I do to deserve this?" Never had a child throw a tantrum so out of control he needed an ambulence and a shot to sedate him. Never had a kid who would be huggy and kissy and lovable one day, and tell you he wanted you out of his life forever the next. A kid who hated you and loved you at the same time. A sweet little boy who is truly good, but can turn in to demon child from hell faster than you can say WTF?. And I hope they never do. I love my son and always will. He is a very bright, very creative, extremely artistic child who doesn't understand why his mind is betraying him like this. Doesn't understand why other kids can get mad and not get suspended from school for hitting. Doesn't understand why other kids have moms at home when they come home and dads who work everyday, and come home everynight, and don't yell and don't smell like alcholol and don't have a jeykll and hyde personality. Don't know what its like to not know what is going to happen at home from one day to the next. HE has lived thru things that would send an adult with good skills reaching for the nearst Bud, and he is a nine year old. He's seen homeless shelters, numerous child care centers, been in on his third trip to a psych hospital, has seen his mother and father get into physical and verbal shouting matches, has seen cops come to his house, has seen his dad escorted out of the house by cops, has been brought home an to a safe house by police, has seen his dad passed out from drinking, has seen adults when they were high, lived with a bipolar mom, and his is still 5 years away from shaving. I am barely hanging on on this ride, and when you mix Warren's genes with his environnet well you have a firecracker in search of a match. Of course he is angry. The kid has a lot to be angry about. I don't blame him one damn bit. I'd be pissed as hell too, so would most of us.

Believe me I understand. Before I had Warren I used to be one of those people who would look down at the troubled kids and thier parents. I used to think all kids would be just fine if they had parents who would discipline them, and if the kid was in trouble then he clearly had bad parents. NOT True. That these were bad kids and I didn't like them. Now the shoe is on the other foot.

Mike just called. Talking to him is about as productive as vacuuming your house during a power outtage. Yes I know I need to talk to the school and find out what really happened, and yes yea yes.. Bastard. No I am not a complacent parent who just listens to whatever they tell me. I know that the school is not perfect, and yes they need to make some changes . Being angry is not the problem, what he does when he is angry is the problem. And now we are also getting the self fullfilling prophecy and he is also getting a reputation. Both of which are bad. I am torn. I can definately not afford a private school, adn the self contained classroom he so desperately needs just is not available in the WFSD yet. HE is not getting the education he needs, he is falling more and more behind. He needs testing and more services and he is not getting them. Sandy is right. If you want to get what your kid needs you have to be the vigilant mom from hell, which is what I am becommming. I don't get anything unless I speak up and demand it.

I am also more than eager to meet with S* and the rest of the FFFCMI. Just talking to other parents who have dealt with this, will be a life saver I know it is. They have support group meetings not to far from here on Tues. I can't wait to attend. I am chomping a the bit. Maybe they will know some shortcuts and techniquies for the system I don't.

Also for anyone who has a kid they suspect may have some of these issues, run to the local bookstore and get a copy of "The explosive child" by Ross W. Greene. It is my bible and his techniques (which basically amount to choose your battles wisely and learn the art of teaching negotion, and that discpline is not about power struggles) have been my life saver.

Tommorrow its back to vitamin hell, where the phones ring off the hook, and old people line up to buy enhanced response gel, which is really just an over priced lube with a few supposed it turn on herbs added. We sell several "passion products" and sometimes the order tells you way too much about the customer. On the bright side I can get my ST. John's Wort for a buck and some change so hey.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.