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Dark Times 2: The light returns

18.01.02 @ 14:23
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(part two) For part one read this first.

At first it was very hard not seeing Warren everyday, not cuddling up with him at night, not being able to read him stories and do all the things I liked to do with him. I was operating in a fog, I went thru the motions of daily life by I wasn't in it. My body would function as if on auto pilot. I was also going thru major financial problems at this time, and had several outstanding bills and bad checks to clear up.

Warren doesn't really like to talk about his time at ******, but I could see it was slowly helping him. They had some very good people on staff who knew how to deal with his rages and his tantrums. It was not easy, I had to fight with them often as sometimes I did not agree with their treatment. (Thorazine in a seven year old, I think not). He would sometimes need to be basketheld as he would not stop with his rages when he was upset. I would also find it very hard to cope with knowing the stories behind some of the other children in the hospital. Especially one little boy, who may very well never have a normal life because his alcholic drug using good for nothing mother neglected abused and basically tortured the poor child. Other children had attachment disorders, clear symptoms of bi-polar disorder and the range. Almost all had one thing in common, some form of abuse or other trauma in their early years and an inability to cope or form healthy relationships. At the hospital he did recieve some form of therapy including group. I could see after a couple weeks that he was starting to learn about responsibity for one's behavior and that he DID have some control over his behavior. He was also started on meds. At first they had him on Celexa, Risperdal and Tenex. These helped with his moods, but also caused a massive sudden gain in wieight as his appetite dramatically increased. His school would send his work to the hospital and they would have class time there where they would work with him. They also had a reward system wherein we discovered Warren had a sudden fascination with photocoping things for some reason.

Eventually he worked hard enough and his behavior improved to the point where he was out at home during the night, but still attended classes and therapy at *****. (Out patient program)

The problem with this was that they had the children's classes in the same area of rooms that they also used for the adolescents many of whom were dealing with various substance abuse issues. I remember one day when one of the teenagers was having a row with the staff as he had some how managed to come in clearly high. It was quite scary for many. I also really didn't like the fact thal all had to go thru a metal detector everyday and be subject to search. I understand the need for it, but I didn't like it. Warren still had up days and down days. At this point they wanted me to sign permission to have him on ritalin. I objected strongly. I had had personal experience with this drug as a child and I knew it was not for my son. They basically blackmailed me into it, by saying that they wouldn't let him return to school otherwise. I agreed to a trial. After the first dose the tics became so overwhelmingly obvious that he never took another dose. I was right. I was stuck with a worthless prescription, and they never admitted a thing.

Gradually he improved so that by After Christmas he was ready to start slowly reintegrating back into a regular classroom. He would spend some days in school, and other days in the hospital outpatient program.

It was also during this time that meetings with school officials became a regular part of my life. We managed to get an IEP for Warren and got him into the BASE program. He attends regular classes, but checks in and out of the room at hte beginning and end of the day. He also has the room as a sort fo place to go if he has an episode and needs to cool off. The staff is trained to work with and deal with his behavior. I know longer live in fear of calls from the school. As part of his IEP and the BASE program all of his teachers monitor his behavior and he is given a 1 2 or 3 for his behavior. A 3 means a very good day, no problems or issues, a 2 means a few minor problems and a 1 means he had a very bad time. These are then added up at the end of the day and he is given a percent. A 100% means he had a very good day. Based on these they earn points which then can use to "shop" for various items. They can save points if they would like to get larger items or spend them on smaller items as they choose. They can also earn bonus's and "cash" (called **bucks after a teacher, they resemble Monopoly money) to spend on various items.

Today he is only on Risperdal and Tenex. We have gradually reduced the dosage on these. Both his teachers and I can clearly see a difference in his behavior if he doesn't get his meds. He is doing amazingly well and is one of the best students in his class. He is a bright, social, and very curious boy. He still has his bad days, but I have learned better ways to handle them. He often acts tough and older, but deep down he is still very much a little boy who needs his mom. I can also see his tenderness come out in other ways.

One reason we got the cats was for Warren. He loves them, but they are not as kid cuddly as he wanted. When Xena found her way into our lives, I could see his tenderside right away. The others don't like to be held and cuddled like a teddy but for some reason she lets him, she seems to be so meek that he feels like a protector or something. I can see the way he is always taking care of her.

I am also having a constant battle with his father, who does not see the need for Warren to be on medication, and views it as something bad, rather then helpful. Fortunately his doctors and teachers all agree with me.

It has been a long journey, and the battle will never be totally over. My beautiful little boy will deal with this the rest of his life, but hopefully he will learn the tools necessary to cope.


Prequels ~ Sequels

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.