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It Just Won't Quit

2001-08-05 @ 10:14 p.m.
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It Just Won't Quit
Words by Jim Steinman
Lead Vocals by Meatloaf

And I never really sleep anymore,
And I always get those dangerous dreams
And I never get a minute of peace,
And I gotta wonder what it means
And I gotta wonder what it means

Maybe it's nothing and I'm under the weather
Maybe it's just one of those bugs going round
Maybe I'm under a spell and it's magic
Maybe there's a witch doctor with an office in town

Oh is this a blessing or is it a curse?
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever or is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
Is it richer than diamonds or just a little cheaper than spit?
I don't know what it is?
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit

And there used to be such an easy way of living
And there used to be every hope in the world
And I used to get everything that I went after
But there never used to be this girl,
But there never used to be this girl

Maybe I'm crazy and I'm losing my senses
Maybe I'm possessed by a spirit or such

Maybe I'm desperate and I've got no defenses
Can you get me a prescription for that one perfect touch?


Oh is this a blessing or is it a curse
Does it get any better? Can it get any worse?
Will it go on forever or is it over tonight?
Does it come with the darkness? Does it bring out the light?
It's a stairway to heaven or a subway going down to the pits
Is it some kind of love?
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit

I don't know what it is but it just won't quit

I don't know what it is
I don't know what it is but it just won't quit

There was a time when nothing ever really mattered
There was a time when there was nothing I didn't know
There was a time when I knew just what I was living for

There was a time and the time was so long ago
There was a time and the time was so long ago
And I never really sleep anymore

I can't really explain how I am feeling tonight. The above song one of my favorites of the Bat II album describes it better than I can. I'm not really depressed per se, but I don't feel altogether right either. Its like a sense of impending doom, coupled with feelings of guilt, mixed with worry and a little bit of panic on the top for garnish.. served up with a side of moodiness. One day I am happy and dont care about anything. The next day I am bitchy and cranky and generally an unpleasant person to be around.

Saturday I had to work. I had breakfast before I left but left in a bit of a hurry and didn't think to bring anything with me.. Stacy was late because she over slept. it was slow anthen it got busy.. then it slowed down again so Stacy left at 1pm. Of course by 1:30 the phones are going Nuckin Futs!! I am going into major caffiene withdrawl and by now my blood sugar is hitting the subbasement. All of which made it very hard to be polite to people who called repeatedly to ask simple or annoying questions. Heck even the nice intelligent ones with legitamate questions were getting on my nerves.. Time seemed to creep by so slow it was going backwards. Finally I had had it. I couldnt' get the cap off the bottle of JL desk soda, so I *gulp* insert guilt here. Wound up stealing a soda from the fridge in the breakroom. (I would have bought my own normally, but I am beyond broke at the moment.) I felt like a junky trying to get a fix.. It tasted like a little bit of heaven.. I immediately felt better.. So I went to Barnes and Noble. where I sat and finally read the Pierre Boulle "Planet of the Apes".. An excellent novel.. much more like the original movie than the Tim Burton version, though with a different ending.. I like the Tim Burton version, but it should have had a different name. A different view on the book.. IMHO with out Zira and Cornelius it aint POTA. I think the book has a better literary quality to it. Its like a parable of how humans are gettting lazy, and losing thier intelligence , and how badly we treat other species, and our limited view of what really constitutes intelligence. But I digress.. I had a cup along with me full of ice water.. I filled it up with ice a couple of times. eventually (long story torking off the stupid over zealous, coffee wench.. but evil me kicked in and I got even by dumping my half full cup in the trash and "accidentally" knocking the lid off. Oops.. not nice I know.. but I was upset at the way they treated me. Today I finished my CS hours. Yayyy!! then I went back to Barnes and Noble for awhile. and Read some Don Aslett books.. (if you don't know who he is, look in the house keeping section, he writes hilarious books on housework and DeJunking..")

Then I went to pick up Warren only the Rainbow Bridge people weren'tthere.. But Mike and Warren were. So of course Mike took this chance to jump on me.. I won't fall for his manipulation, so now he is going to try accusations. Argg will that man never quit.. Since I had a child by him, he will NEVER just go away.. but he is so infuriating sometimes.. I can't understand what it was I ever thought I saw in him..

Right now Warren is sleeping. When he came home he said he didn't feel very good. He didn't want anything to eat but did ask for some Motrin. So along with his regular meds I gave him three jr. Motrin. then he drank half a glass and went to bed.. (a sure sign he really means it.) We watched cartoons for a little while then he felt better and ate a pbj, and a little milk.

This week I have to go to court again. for a different reason.. I think that may be part of what has me so wound up. I keep telling myself it will be fine..

Friday is my birthday.. 32 long hard years on Planet Earth. Which is also contributing to it.. I alwasy get depressed on or around my birthday.. I have for several years now.. I don't know when it started.. probably some where around 22 or 23. I just know that I dread it, and it should be a happy occasion. I feel like "What do I have to show?" Then I look around and realize compared to some I do have a lot.. Yes many have it much better, but alot have it much worse.. I escaped an abusive and damaging relationship, many live in nightmares, or in fear.. I am free. I have a house when many have no place.. I have a great son, when many are childless or have lost a child. I have a job, many are unemployed. I had two wonderful parents who continue to love and look out for me. One here on Earth, one from Heaven above. When many did not get blessed with wonderful parents. okay mine were far from perfect, but they loved my brother and I and we were alwasy provided for and cared for and never forgotten.. I have a car, I live in a country where most of my basics freedoms are guaranteed. I can say what I want and not fear arrest in the middle of the night. My son and I never go hungry even when things are at there tightest. Even at my poorest, I am better then more than 25% of the world. And I live in one of the few countries in the world that has programs to help people.. I guess I should be happy things are actually pretty good.. So why am I so unhappy??


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
Music of the mind: :

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.