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Where have the last ten years gone

20.06.03 @ 09:53
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I can't believe it was exactly ten years ago today, that I was in the hospital having my baby boy. My little baby who is now only three inches shorter and about 100 pounds lighter than his old lady. Were I to get down to my ideal weight, my son and I would be almost the same size, with me a little smaller than him.

He was so excited that he could not/ would not sleep last night. I fell asleep on the couch but woke up to my son covering me with another blanket and giving me a kiss. (awww) , a bit later I woke up enough to go upstairs to use the bathroom, and collapse in my bed. My son in all his Tom Sayweryness, tells me "please don't look at the clock okay". Of course I do, and its after 3 am. I am still all achey and feeling like road-kill. But eventually I drift off, with my newly double-digited son next to me, still yacking on and on. HE is talking about when does the sun come up, cause he wants to go bike riding. 5 am like on some wierd flashback que is he out the door and riding his bike. (I can only imagine what the people who were actually up must be thinking.). He asks me to go for a walk, I roll over and he takes one look at my pale face and spouts "mom you dont' look so good, do you want a drink of water" An hour later he is back at it again, and also flipping because he cant' find the second "you have won a free 20 oz Coke product" cap from last night. After finally chilling out, I get him to take his meds. (while I take mine - more on that later). By 8:00 he finally fell asleep on the couch. I am going to let him sleep for as long as I can. But since I have to work this weekend (an unfortunate economic nessesity), he is spending the weekend at C* with his half brothers, and her other kids who are close to his age and who he gets along well with. Rat-bastard thankfully has been no where near here. So we were planning on lunch at Space Aliens. (for those not in the know, that is a sci-fi themed restaurant, with video games, like the pizza place in Toy Story, only with excellent BBQ Ribs and a separate bar for the grownups.

He also decided he wants either walkie talkies or yet another RC vehicle for his birthday.

I am sitting here looking at some pictures taken before his first birthday, there is a picture of him at about 5 months old sitting up, it is taking everything he has to keep himself upright, but the smile he has on his face says it all. Another picture is when he is around 10 months old, he is standing on an overturned Rubbermaid box reaching for the VCR, and another one of him at about 6 weeks, he is laying on his stomach and he has his hand in front of him in fists. He looks like a little bitty combat crawler, except that he was a long ways from crawling then at that age, but you can see in his face that he really really wants to be mobile. My favorite however is a close up of him taken when he was maybe 11 months old or so. He is sitting in a high chair, with his finger in his mouth, and he just looks so lost in thought, with a half smile on his face.

Now I look at his current pictures. He is no longer a little boy, the babyishness of his earlier pictures is complelety gone. The smile in some pictures looks almost like a smirk, the chubby baby cheeks, replaced with a much more masculine, young man appearance. He is not yet a man, but no more a little boy. He has a mouth, a big vocabulary, and some interesting mood swings. For the first time in history he actually has displayed some interst in girls as other than cooty carriers. The Tween years are officially here.

Three years from today, I will be the mother of a teenager, six years from today he will be old enough to drive a car. (well actually if he were a farm boy in some case ND can get a lic at 14, but your parents have to sign for you. I only had a permit at 14, cause I kept blowing the driving test). Eight years from now, he will be an adult in the eyes of the law, 11 years from today, he will be a full fledged adult with all the responsobilites and privledges that go along with it. He can't wait for the roller coaster of adolescence to begin. I on the other hand would like a much slower ride. While I have no desire what so ever to go back and relive the baby years, I have no desire to have another child, as I feel I have done my time, and am glad to be thru with diapers, and middle of the night feedings, and mysteriious rashes, and potty training and so on. I am glad to have a child with whom I can carry on a conversation, and share opinions. Who has an idea of what is going on, and who can give an opinion on things, even if I still retain final veto power. I am not ready for a young man to replace the boy, for the day when my son will form a life totally separate from mine. I am not ready to let go. I am definately not ready for the idea that in as few as 12 years it is quite possible I could be a grandmother. I am not ready to start thinking of my son as someday a man, to me he will always be the little boy, who liked to make up stories, race RC cars, build with legos, and argue with his mother in much the same way she used to argue with her father at the same age.

I have been a mother for exactly one decade, and I feel no more prepared for what lays ahead than I did when they first handed me the screaming red-headed bundle ten years ago today.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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