*Make My Day
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Ad enundum quo neme ante iit
Anyone can become angry, that is easy...but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way...this is not easy Aristotle
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."Rita Mae Brown as quoted in Good Housekeeping.
The more I like me, the less I want to pretend to be other people. Jamie Lee Curtis
If your world doesn't allow you to dream, move to one where you can. Billy Idol
...you wouldn't worry so much about what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they did. Dr. Phil
If they give you ruled paper, write the other way. Juan Ramon Jimenez
for new life
to be born Edward Gloeggler
If I were someone else, I might really hate me. KasAndra (my early 20's pre-Warren self -- long story on that one)
The more things change, the more they stay the same
Three more days to my 23rd birthday, big Fucking deal. Things have changed so much since my last entry. I'm not even the same person anymore. I don't seem to believe the same things-reality is a dream-but some of my dreams have become real. Mikes wonderful at least when its just the two of us. (**note** I was very delusional back then) But whydo I feel like I scare him sometimes. Why am I angry about his misunderstaning something I never actually said the way he heard. Why whey amd I so angry at everyone and everything. I've been drunk 3 nights this week and don't care. (**note** see I wasn't always a *good* girl.). The other nite I completely smached and ice cream pail to smithereens and I've hat the instane urge to put a rock thru a window. Mike sorta said he loved me a couple of times, but only during high passion. Is he scared or does he really mean it. Is it me or is he using me. (guess I found out the answer to that one huh) I want so much to trust him-but yet it scares he. (PSA for all young girls out there, listen to your insticts, they are 99% right on the money) I have no idea where this relationship is headed. (try downhill like a snowball headed for hell) its like being in a speeding car on an icy road in 0 visability and headed for Hell.
But I'm miserable when I don't see him and I always think about him. I havne't given him my full trust. But what he doesn't realize adn I may never reveal this , is that he has been given a gift just as valuable, to me anyway, (or so I used think, now I'm not so sure) and that's my virginity.
We need to talk but I know if I tell him any of this I run too high of a rish of losing him or worse. (**funny right now losing him sounds very appealing). I know he loves thing the way they are and I can't afford to disturb the status quo. Besides I think that most of it is just me and how I see things. We almost never have set plans. I never know for sure if or when he's comming **major red flag here** and it its just him or if we're stuck with Dan, a nice guy except when he is drunk (or worse) only 75% of the time, but 3's a crowd you know,. I don't know if these people really accept me (there is something to aspire to -- NOT) or if its the booze or if I'm the victim of a huge mean joke. Why am I always the piece in search of a puzzle...
back to today
The above was taken from a diary I sort of kept from the end of my college years thru right before I found out I was pregnant with Warren. That was one of the last entries and about a month or so later I found out I was pregnant. Its amazing how many flags there were that I couldn't see.
I was also an undiagnosed Manic depressive at the time, and I think it was pretty clear I was definately in a depressive state when I wrote that.
Warren had a much better day. Work was slow, and I am so sick of people who think I have nothing better to do than sit and chit chat while they leaf thru the catalog to decide what they want. Make a list and be prepared. We take hundreds of calls a day, I am not your doctor I cannot prescribe or diagnose. If the Post Office screws up, please don't yell at me because they say they delivered it and they didn't. It is NOT our freaking fault. We will replace it in the name of customer service, but your wrath belongs to your Postmaster, NOT ME!!
And a prize to the first person to guess what the title of this entry means in English.
Prequels ~ Sequels
Music of the mind: :
~*~Have you read these~*~
~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.
I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.
I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.