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God must really be testing me

18.11.02 @ 22:14
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Right now I am just sort of in a numb state of none processing of reality. Tonight we finally put Warren back into the hospital. It wasn't my favorite choice, but it is clear to me, his doctors, teachers and strangely enough even for once his Dad, that this is the best of the choices we have right now. Even Warren seemed to know that deep down it is best. He was by no means thrilled by it, but he knows he needs help and some time away from us. This way he gets help and his dad and I can get our shit in a pile.

I haven't been taking care of my illness the way I really should, and his dad still hasn't come to complete terms with his drinking/substance abuse issues. He see's that it may have possibly once been an issue, but wont' take responsibiltiy or own up to the fact that he is an alcoholic and that for him there can be no drinking, none. He is in the process of finding a place outside of the home and I am going to be getting some help. Word of warning, Bipolars and alcholics should never mix genes. Mikes family has a strong histroy of drinking problems, and my family has a history of mental illness/mood disorders. My great uncle was hospitalized (almost 50 years ago) wiht what looking back may have been schizophrenia, I am bipolar, my mom is easily nervous and panics, my father held it in, till he blew, my grandmother was depressed. Mike is a third generation drunk, wiht a great grandfather who was a swastaka wearing card carrying member of the Nazi party. Lovely gentics here..

Mike is also being a little too nice at times, we still fight like Siamese fish, but not to the same degree or as much. WEll mostof the time. I stil don't trust him at all, but I distrust him just a little bit less. I will still be thrilled when he is gone though.

On top of everything else, it was also my mom's 70th birthday today. I forgot till this afternoon. I never sent a card, but I did AT&T her. Its not everyday your mom turns 70. Too bad I couldnt' give her any good news.

Tommorrow I am going to job service again, to fill out more applications and do some faxing. I also need to make some phone calls about some jobs I applied for. The temp agaency had a day job on friday, but I had too many other irons athere was no way I could do it, with two appointments that day. Warren says I shoujld go back to Cashwise. I am tghinking about it as a temporary solution, but it would negate my unemployment and it is such a step backwards and would be a real blow to my pride. However beggars cant' afford a lot of pride. Its a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes they do the best helping.

I think I am going to go downstairs and fall alseep watching my AOTC dvd for the umpteenth time. Well after Law and Order is over. This is a good one. I am all out of potato chips, and when I am stressed out I crave fried foods. Chips, fries, burgers, bacon, anything high in calories and low in actual nutrition. Unfortunately they don't do much for the waist line. And also now I feel ill. Blech.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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