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March LipService- The Search for ??

01.04.02 @ 13:19
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March LipService: Everybody is looking for something. What are you looking for?

This is a late answer, seeing as it is actually April, but I have been thinking about this one all month long, well that and about a million other things.

Its funny how sometimes the simplest questions can be the most difficult to answer. There are many things I want. Some are superficial (a guaranteed way to make lots of money with out actually working - if such a thing really exists), some are just fun (I'm always looking for a good time), some are more serious (I know I left my happiness around here somewhere, I think it ran off and eloped with my self respect after it saw Mike comming), others have an ageless quality (if I every find the answers to the mysteries of life, I 'll be sure to share them right away). I have many things I want,and many things I am looking for (A good bargain is great for the soul). However like most human beings I believe that the search itself is as much a part of the game of life as the actual finding. In many ways it is more important. It is the searching that causes us to ask the important questions, the questions that we may not always like the answers to. It is what makes us stop and think and look to see where we have been and where are we headed. As a human being I am always going to be looking for something. It is part of what makes us human. We don't have all the answers, we don't even know all of the right questions to ask. If we did, there would be no religious diverstity, no opposing philosophies. But because we all ask different questions, and our diverse excperience leads us to different answers, there will never be universal agreement. One person asks "Why am I here?" and his quest leads him to Christianity, while another may ask the very same question and find themselves not getting a satisfactory answer from the faith that the first finds much comfort in.

I was raised in a Semi-Catholic family. I use the semi description, because while my mom was Catholic and forced us to attend Mass and CCD, my father was a Lazy Lutheran, meaning he held Christian beliefs but only attended Church on Special Ocassions, or to please my mom. Later when I was in college, he finally converted, but not fully. I grew up basically parroting back what we were told in Mass and in CCD. As I got older however, I started to ask questions, questions that I wasn't suppose to ask. I didn't always like the answers I was given. I have been on a see-saw with the Church ever since. I share many of the same beliefs, yet there are also points (for example homosexuality, birth control, females as priests,and the Church's handling of pedophiles in the heiracrchy to name but a few), that I can not reconcile with my personal conscience. The refusal to accept proven scientific fact is another. I have always believed that Evolution and Creation do not have to oppose each other. I applied logic and read Genesis metaphorically instead of literally and it all made complete sense to me.

I have attended other Christian churches, but I never felt the same comfort and ease that I feel during Mass. I always felt like something was missing. Yet I don't really feel comfortable in a Catholic Church anymore either. In the Church I grew up in as well as in every church I have attended I have found a signifigant population of people who attend Church on Sunday and preach the commandments, talking up a good game. Yet during the week you see them clearly and with out appology violating those same commandments. I have never been one to tolerate those whose actions don't correspond to their words, to me it's like lieing. Its phoniness at its worst.

As a result of all this, I have not been to Mass since shortly after 9-11. I felt a need then to connect with God, yet when I attend a Mass days after The Tragedy, it was not even mentioned. I read in the paper recently that my hometown priest; not the one I grew up with , he wouldn't hurt a fly, but the one who replaced him after his death; plead guilty to charges of molesting children. If it can happen in Crosby North Dakota, it can happen anywhere. Once again I felt isolated and appart from the faith I was told my entire life to be the ONE TRUE FAITH. I want to belong and be a part, but my conscience will not let me, it just won't accept the answers to what I am asking.

What am I looking for? As soon as I find it I will let you know.

These having nothing to do with my LipService, but the were fun so I put them on this page anyway.

I'm a Twinkie!
What Snack Food are YOU? Click here to find out!

I am a washing machine!
what kitchen utensil are YOU?


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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.