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Another Year Over..Another One Just Begun
Happy New Year!! Its been quite an interesting year. I thus end my first full year as a single mom. Its been the most tumultious year of my life. Last year at this time, I had no idea where I was going, or what was going to happen. Warren was still in Partial, I was on the verge of falling apart, yet somehow holding it together purely because I had no other choice. I think I was like those trauma victims who do amazing things because of the massive amounts of adrenaline going on, only instead of cutting off my own foot, I was going to work and cleaning house even though the only thing I wanted to do was lay in bed and watch tv while staring in my very own personal pity party. Now here it is a whole year later. My son has improved 1000%, and while I still have the urge to hold a poor me session I am able to go to work and keep the laundry done, with out the chemical intervention I needed last year. I dont't know if I should still be on meds or not, but I am managing to function. I am finally making a concerted effort to face my finances, a little at a time and get straightened out. A bad day, or bad news still sends me on a downward spiral but I am able to talk my self thru it and not be in a depression for three days.
Things with Mike have improved, though in a three steps forward adn two steps back sorta way, we have still progressed. I found out he is looking at apartments and is being uncharacteristically decent again. I wouldn't stay my standing up for myself and being tough with him has endeared me or earned me any respect, but I think he knows I am not the same naive 22 year old he met 10 years ago, who just wanted to be loved and was willing to sell her self respect for it.
I spent my gift card today at Kohl's on a good pair of Levi's. The last pair they had in my size. They are a bit snug, but they are soo nice. My next resolution for 2002 is to work on some healthier habits. I dont' believe self worth comes from being some dinky size, that you weren't meant to be. I do however believe that one can be healthy and still enjoy the things one likes, assuming you don't have a medical condition such as IBS, or diabetes that prevents eating certain foods. I don't know exactly how I plan to do it. I am not going to worry about what the scale says, but rather try and focus on how I feel, what I can do, and how my clothes fit. I did it before, right before I got pregnant. I hadn't planned it that way, but I had went on a diet lost a large amount of wieght (well over 75-100 llbs) and had given up soda and some other not so nice things. Then I found out I was going to be a Mom. I stayed healthy while I was pregnant, mainly because I was puking so often I barely ,kept enough for Warren. Apparently the little stinker was getting nutrition from somewhere though since he weighed 7 pounds 4 1/4 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long. Apparently one can deliever a healthy baby on a diet of skim milk, grape juice, fried eggs adn cherry popsciles, with the occasional something else. That is mainly what I lived on. Especially the milk. The cravings were enourmous. I would go out to eat have one small burger adn down a quart of milk and still want more. I was begining to think I was giving birth to a calf instead of a kid. But anyway. Fast forward back up 8 years. The same kid is now almost 5 feet tall and wieghs over 108 pounds, and is not even nine years old yet. He actually eats pretty healthy most of the time. Tonight for New Years, we went out to dinner at Royal Fork. After we each ate a nice salad (note to self check dressing before putting on salad as some pantry workers apparently can't tell blue cheese from Ranch, eesh). Warren filled his dinner plater with corn, green beans, a small piece of ham, a little macaroni and cheese and a bun. Pretty good choices if I do say so. And he had a good salad too. I am not too worried about Warren's eating habits, but I would like to be able to keep up with him as he gets older. He is a very active child who would sleep with his bike if I would let him and he could figure out how. He also loves to go for walks and so on. He wants me to go with him and sadly while sometimes I am actually to busy or just not in the mood, often times I just don't have the energy to want to. I could I am much healthier than most people my size, but I just don't seem to have the gogo drive. I want to do things like roller blade and sled. I want to be there when my grandchildren grow up. One of the nice things about having children when you are young is you often also get to enjoy your grandchildren at a younger age. Maybe by writing this down, it will some how be more real. I can come back here and look, and know that many others have seen my resolution and maybe I will be more inclinded to stick to it, when the ice cream starts screaming eat me, or the vending machine at work starts yelling my name. And it yells a lot louder than the box of (Cub Scout)Microwave popcorn I keep under my cube.
After all I've been thru I think if I can accomplish these two goals, getting my physical and financial health under control I think we will once again be several hundred percent better, and that should hopefully improve my currently embarrassing housekeeping and socializing skills.
In about 4 minutes it will be 2002 where I am. So I will end this entry. The little boy next to me, was thrilled to be able to stay up till midnight, but concked out at 11pm. Fortunatly we had toasted the new year in earlier with ice cream. (I know I know, I am not buying anymore trust me). Tommorrow Warren will spend some time with Mike. He had to work on his birthday (he had the nerve to be born 12/30, so New Year and Happy Birthday were always combined). So that will give me a much needed break. I was getting cranky with Warren earlier, so I definatly need some Mommy only time.
It is now officially 01-01-02 so
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Prequels ~ Sequels
Music of the mind: :
~*~Have you read these~*~
~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.
I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.
I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.