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Nothing Gold Can Stay

2001-05-06 @ 2:04 a.m.
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damn it.. this stupid computer.. I had another long entry typed up and of course I managed to hit some key combo that exited the whole stupid page.. ARGGGGGG!!!!!

Natures first green is gold,

her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leafs a flower,

but only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf,

so Eden sank to grief.

So dawn goes down to day,

Nothing gold can stay..

Robert Frost

The story of my life.. Nothing gold stays.. Just once I wish I felt normal.. what ever that means.

I always manage to forget the "meds" well mine any way.. I never forget Warrens medication..

I am so tired of Mikes trying to "work it out" and then telling Warren everything is my fault.. He seems to have totally forgotten about all of my things that he has smashed, and the bruises, and the put downs and the hurt feelings, not to mention his drinking and other things.. I won't trust him, I can't trust him.. I can't trust my self around him.. I don't like my self around him.. I still get fear in my heart when I hear a car pull in to the neighbors or a nearby door open up.. I will not ever risk the remote possibilty of being afraid again.. I just hope that I can get the order renewed when it comes up again in Nov.. Or I know he will think he can come back.. Next time I send Warren to his place I am sending a note to tell him he has till the end of June to get rid of his junk or I am selling it after that date, and using the money in lieu of back child support. I wonder if that is legal.. I suppose I should mail it, and send a copy somewhere..

Well I did get out of the house today.. it took awhile.. after I ate breakfast at almost noon, I watched some tv, and lazed for a bit.. then I went upstairs to shower, but managed to take a 2 hour nap first.. then showered.. then went to the grocery store and spend money I dont have on food I dont' need.. I had an energy drink a cherry coke and a couple of advil which killed my headache. I read a Dr.Who (Tom Baker Tom Baker)book a B&N, an bought another one. I wish PBS would show them again..

then I came home did the dishes and made strawberry pancakes, and bacon.. and realized by then it was 9pm.. I dont know where the time went.. then watched Nightwatch..wnet on line, read my mail and updated my diary and I am now watching THX 1138.. very interesting movie..

I've noticed I seem to have better weekends when Warren is here.. I think I may make him some of his favorite Chocolate chip cookies.. who knows I may even go totally crazy and put the clean laundry away, and clean my room.. I feel the start of a good manic period, someting I need its the only time anything gets done.



Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
Music of the mind: :

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.