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One does not have to be the lonliest number

20.02.02 @ 12:18
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Well I found the cause of Warren's tummy ache last nite. I am amazed that all he had was a tummy ache. I was so tired beyond belief when I got home from work last night that for supper I just heated up a can of baked beans and threw a couple of (hamburger) patties on the indoor grill (think George Foreman) that my brother got me for Christmas. Warren ate one well done cheeseburger and a half a small can of beans. I went upstairs after supper to lay down because I was that tired. ( I also wasnt' hungry so I didn' t eat.) About an hour or two later Warren is complaining his tummy feels too full. "Like I ate an elephant, mom",.

Naturally I had to ask him what he ate. Just a couple of bars for dessert, "maybe one or two". I go downstairs after he fell asleep finally and discover it was slightly more than that. On top of the cheeseburger and beans and a big glass of milk, my boy also ate: 3 6-layer bars, two pop tarts, a kit kat bar and about 8-10 oz of yougurt. That was just what I could gleam from the evidence. This is an 8 YEAR OLD BOY we are talking about here!! I am already having nightmares about when he becomes a teenager and hits the real major growth spurts. Does anyone else have a grown or near grown son who is on the opposite end of the growth chart from those in the peanut category? . I have already mentioned that growth predictors are putting his final adult size as being somewhere between Harrison Ford and Andre the Giant. I am not ready to face the prospect of attempting to discipline somebody who is large enough, and strong enough to bench press small foreign cars just for the heck of it. Maybe I am lucky and it is just a phase. I hope.

I figured out why I was so exhausted last night. I drum it up to a combinatin of too much Gorp at lunch. ( gorp is a snacky combination of peanuts, raisins, M&M's, cashews, almonds and sunflower seeds), too little sleep the night before, and the desire of my female systems to start sending out "come hither" signals to the Vampire community. I am feeling rather crampy, cranky, bloaty and ishy today. Have I mentioned that monthly visits are my least favorite and most despised part of being a woman. I love being a female, but I am also the only woman I know who looks forward to the other side of menopause. I can't wait till I never have to look at another feminine hygeine product again. Never have to have my world turned upside down by the rocking rollercoaster of my hormones (well there maybe some but not the same), and best of all , NO MORE CRAMPS and no more bloating.

I have already stated that while I would welcome another child if he/she ever entered my life, I have absolutely NO BABY LUST. I feel almost left out because I feel like " been there done that, glad to move on" towards the whole situation. I have never dealt with infertility, so I have no clue what it feels like or can begin to comprehend. I have one healty wonderful child who is the center of my universe, and for me that is enough.

I realize this could easily change, but even if I met Mr. Perfect tommorrow I doubt I would change my mind. I have my child, I like the way things are now. If I had another baby it would mean giving up my job, as I would not pay strangers or anyone else to do my job and bond with my child. It would mean 9 months of endless sickness (I was in the hospital twice with Warren and sick enough that I was on IV's for dehydration), it would mean a return to sleeping in 15 minute increments between bouts of nursing, endless diapers, potty training and all the like. I have been there and done that. I have fond memories, but that is what they are memories. It is not something I wish to repeat. I realize that many of the women I read don't understand my point of view, some may, but others may not. That is fine. Everybody has a different desire in life.

I personally do not understand the need to constantly have a baby in your arms. I love my child, I miss his baby ness, but I am also imensely thrilled that he is growing up. I wish he wouldn't have to move away from me to do it, but I am soo glad he is getting more independant. He is in school which leaves me with 8 hours a day plus to work. He has other activiites, he is becoming a person I can actually have a converstion with. In a few years he will be someone I can do things we both like together. He will be someone I can actually share and talk with (about some things). I am looking forward to that, while at the same time mourning the baby who will be no more. It feels like they just handed him to me yesterday. The last almost 9 years have whizzed by at light speed from my perspective. Yet in his mind even 5 minutes is "forever mom, that's forever".

Am I the only woman with no desire to return to morning sickness, dirty diapers, 3 am feedings and rashes of indeterminant origin..? Am I the only woman who has no desire for more children even though she loves her only child more than she loves herself? I can't be alone on this, can I ??


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.