*Odd Googles
*About Me
*Photo Albums
*Make My Day
*My Linkers


*Adagio Teas
*Kasora Teas
*Lissa Explains
*1000 Journals
*Free Words
*20 Questions

Have you seen Leanna Warner?
Click on photo for more details.

Click for West Fargo, North Dakota Forecast

Recently shared thoughts

The Long and Winding Road {just strolling along}

Saturday, Nov. 03, 2007 @ 6:48 am
View my Guestbook
Free Guestbooks by

So far so good. I've only taken the trazodone two nights, but I've slept very well both nights. No waking up in a panic, no checking the clock worried that I might over sleep. I don't even have the clock where I can see it. II've always kept my alarm clock on a different side of the room from where I sleep {have for years now}. That way I have to get out of bed to shut it off instead of just rolling over to hit snooze until I'm running late and have to rush in a panic.

I woke up once or twice each night, but I just rolled over and was able to go right back to sleep. I didn't even get up to pee, which in and of itself is quite different for me, especially since Trazodone makes me much thirstier. I've had it before so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. This time it seemed to work much better.

If I remember right when I had it before, it helped but not as much. I just need to make a point to take it a minimum of 8 hours before I need to be up, or I'll have residual effects in the morning.

I was a bit dizzy in the mornings but as soon as I had a cup of tea and something substantial to eat I was fine. I wasn't nearly as tired in the afternoons eithers {well I've only one afternoon to go by, so I guess I'll see how it really works after a few weeks. I may need to cut back to half a pill {I'm on the 50mg pills right now}.

I also felt much better during the day, less anxious. I'm still worried about a lot of things, but now I'm able to stop and take a step back. I am able to realize I have time to think about these things as they aren't going to happen today or even tommorrow. I'm able to keep my head on, instead of doing a chicken impersonation. Of course at this point it could also be a placebo effect.

Now if I can just figure out why I have such strong cravings for potatos. Not just any potatos either. They have to be oven fried potatos, preferably russet or yukon gold. Some people turn to chocolate when they get stressed. I turn to potatos. At least I'm able to make them healthy and not get the fries from the Golden Arches like I would have done a couple years ago. I've always been a huge potato fan as long as I can remember. Mashed, baked, fried, hashbrowned, scalloped, augratin, potato salad, potato bread, potato soup, anything but plain boiled.

Good thing I live in the Red River Valley {along with sugar beets {sugar duh}, durham {semolina to make pasta} and hard red spring wheat {flour for breads and baking}, potatos are another huge crop in this area}. For those who are wondering, this Red River Valley refers to the area next to the Red River of the North, which is the border between North Dakota and Minnesota. It is a very fertile area.

And as an aside, if you want an intersting trivia fact,{Kat, Lena or Calthea can correct me if I'm wrong on this} this Red River is one of only about 3 rivers that run south to north It starts down at the southern end of North Dakota and runs up to Winnepeg, Manitoba. The others I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong are the Nile in Eygpt and the Yellow in China.

Anyways, potatos are generally very cheap here. A couple bucks for a 5 pound bag, this time of year.

When I was a kid we raised our own potatos and always had tons.{along with several other veggies, though I still won't touch turnips} I still have memories of digging potatos and planting potatos. We had potatos with almost every meal. I wonder if that could explain it. I don't always eat potatos all the time, but when I get stressed, they seem to be my comfort food of choice.

I never really thought about it much before, but one thing most of my favorite comfort foods seem to have in common is starch plus fat, and the predominating ones seem to include some form of potato. hmmmm

Warren paid me a great compliment of sorts. He told me I'm a lot more fun and pleasant since I've started loosing the weight. When I was heavier I didn't have the energy or desire to go for walks, or go out and play for long. I was pretty much clued on the couch/bed after work to watch tv, or take him out to eat. We played together and did fun things, but he was a very hyperactive kid, and I was in no way able to keep up with him as I would have liked to.

My parents often just watched us play, and I was content to play on my own. Warren was much more of a mom's boy. I still can't keep up with him. Who besides another 14 year old can keep up with a 14 year old boy, especially one who seems to be growing at the rate of 1/4 to 1/2 inch a month lately, and has the energy of a squirrel on a caffiene jones. To say nothing of legs that are a good foot longer than mine, would be leaving out another very important fact. So even if we moved at the same speed, he'd still cover a lot more ground in the same amount of time. That's what happens when you feed teenagers. They outgrow thier parents.

I never realized how sedentary I really was though. I thought I was in pretty good shape for a heavy person. I felt I was fairly active. Sometimes we need to see what others see, and not what we want to see. Between the weightoss and the Lamictal {this bipolar's idea of gods gift to the seratonin/dopamine reuptake challanged} I think I've become a new person of sorts. I still feel like me, but others sure seem to think I've changed, so I guess there must be something to it. I know I feel better physically, and I don't tire nearly so easy.

I'm liking myself better and so is my son as are my employer and coworkers. I only wish I was able to figure this out years ago. I wouldn't have wasted so much time, sitting on my ass, feeling sorry for myself and jealous of smaller people. Many of whom I now realize have to work thier asses off, if you pardon the pun, to keep that body. It really is worth it though. It is so worth it.

Better late than never huh? As an aside, reading Poolie's entry this morning, reminded me of a boss I used to work for when I was right out of high school. Every week there would be a new way of doing certain things. I might have done a good job on it the previous week, but now we are changing this thing. I was 19, my job was washing dishes, washing potatos and cleaning up the kitchen at the end of the night.

This boss was a hoot though. He was a volunteer fireman/paramedic I lived in a very small town, pop about 1500 if everyone was home, My boss was very good friends with all of the local law enforcement.In this town everybody knew everyone, and everyone's business. Most small towns seem to be like that, at least in my experience.

You haven't lived until you came to work and see the local sherrif helping to cook hashbrowns and steaks, in his cop uniform. He did have it covered with apron and appropriate head gear, at least. We were busy those nights. He had his friends help, since he could give them freebies, instead of pay them.

That whole summer there were no fire/ambulence calls during the evenings. It sounds amazing, but it was aa very small town. It was small compared to most, but not that small by North Dakota standards, where it isn't unsual to have a town with a population of less than 500 or in some cases less than 100. <

This same boss, after a really hard day would on occasion give free drinks to his employees, including some of us who were quite clearly underage. At least two of us also had to drive several miles in the country to get home. Did I mention I was 19 at the time, and spending the summer home with my parents?

I really wanted to take him up on his offers. I was no goody two shoes. But I knew my parents would hit the roof if they found out and if something happened [sometimes one drink turns in to more}, there would be hell to pay. I always really wanted to though.

There was also the problem of my working a second job during the day as a babysitter/nanny to two little boys who's mom used to babysit me on on occassion and who's grandmother was/is very good friends with my mom. {they were both Germans plunked into the middle of Litte Scandanavia}

That sure made for some interseting issues. I had very different ideas on child rearing than either of them,{who were quite old school.} I learned the fine art of playing politics quite well that summer. Boy did I ever.

Both of those boys are now well into thier twenties and one of them has a child of his own. Talk about feeling old.

Intersting side fact, and remember this is a very small town we are talking about. The Aunt of these boys, their mom's sister, was married to into the family that owned the grocery store in town. They owned the big one, we also had one much smaller one, as we got a lot of Canadian traffic on the weekend, and had a large rural area, so could support two grocery store. Her and her husband went on to adopt two kids, one of whom was born in the same hospital one day after Warren. North Dakota is a very small state, with lots of space.

She was also good friends with a cousin of mine who would visit some summers and played nanny to my brother and me one summer when I was about 5. I remember Brenda {the aunt} taking us for motorcycle rides {think pocket rocket, not Harley}, and my screaming for her to go faster. I was never all that girly, even as a kid.

They also had a brother, a middle child with a sister on each end, and sometimes he'd pick on me, like an annoying little sister. I remember staying over at theirr house once when I was about 6 or 7 and Brenda/Beverly{boys mom} were having a slumber party. I felt so grown up to be included. They were like 14 and 16 at time time, but to me they were grown up and cool. They also got into some trouble I wanted to do when I was older. And regrettably I did do some of it. {though my mom still doesn't know all of it. shhhh}

I get chocked up everytime I think of James. He was one of the first people I knew personally who commited suicide. The other person, being a schoolmate, a few years younger, who shot himself the night before prom. I was in my 20's when James' death happened, but it was still hard. Even though having battled depression myself for most of my life, I was able understand some of where he might have been comming from it was still hard.

Nobody had ever anticipated anything like this. He appeared to be having everything. He was running hs parents farm after they retired and moved to town. Things at least on the outside appeared to being going great. My guess is there may be a lot more to the story, that the family is choosing to keep private.

It was a huge shock and suprise for everyone. He was found in the barn by his father. This man survived Bataan, but I think seeing his son like that was probably a lot harder than anything the Japanese could have thrown at him.

When I was at my worst and sometimes considered that option myself I think, that while on some level I may have idealized it, I also remembered what it did to those left behind and knew I could never do that to my parents, my brother and certainly never to my son. I sometimes resented them for taking away that option, but I'm glad they did.

Its amazing how few degrees there are between people in small towns. They aren't always as iddyllic as postcards and old television shows/movies would have us believe.

Ah memory lane. What a nice place to walk, as long as you don't stay too long.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
Music of the mind: :

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

Layout copyright Me, Myself and I. Correct viewing of this site requires IE 5.0 or higher. Use of any other browser may result in unintended results.(Netscape 4.0 or higher is passable however I haven't yet been able to get it to look right in Firefox)

All contents, (except graphics) unless otherwise specified, are the property of TheCrankyOne. Please ask permission before using. Person's caught using pics of my son without permission will be severely dealth with. Graphics are courtesty of Full Moon Graphics. If you want to use them, ask Kitty not me..

Also this is my diary and if you don't like what you read, then I suggest you move on to another diary. I do not write to please others, I write for myself. If you don't like my diary it is your problem, not mine.
Any rude comments, spam, flames etc.. will be deleted as soon as I become aware of them. Also if you wish to comment please have the decency to leave a valid form of contact such as a web address or email, unless I happen to know you and would know who you are.

This Web site is Registered with

Creative Commons 

/> This work is licensed
under a Creative Commons License.


In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.