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Of all the CrankyOnes, I think I'm the CrankyOnest

Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2007 @ 6:49 pm
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Its a good thing I mean with me {almost} pdoc tommorrow {She's a PA not an MD}, as I really need to see about possibly upping my meds or adding something.

Manic depression would be fun, if I could just eliminate the depression half of the equation. Mania {for us BP IIs anyway} is fun, that's when I get things done, when I'm creative, alive, totally on and lots of fun. Its the depression that makes in in to old "go fug yourself, cause I don't give a damn about anything" Cranky.

I'm really not ready to deal with certain things {not really able to discuss in details unfortunately}, that I will soon have no choice but to face. I need to get back my strong go get 'em persona, not my hide under the blankets until it goes away {which somehow never quite works, darn it anyway}.

I'm stressing so bad, I've started having the middle of the night panic attacks again. I thought I was done with those. I hate them. I go to bed and get in such a deep sleep, that when I wake up again {to go to bathroom, or noise or whatever}, I get all freaked out, thinking I am late and I have to run. I have a mini almost heart attack and then my cooler logical brain kicks in and tells me is 10 after 2 am not 10 after 6 am and I really need to just chill and go back to bed. Once I was half dressed before my brain came back.

I really need something. I also meet with Warren's and my family counceling tommorrow. That should be a blast.

Right now I'm back in the mental place I don't like. But I've been on this trip before and I know I'll find the up escalator sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.


Prequels ~ Sequels

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.