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Thursday, Oct. 04, 2007 @ 4:32 pm
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Family therapy with Warren this morning wasnt' too bad. He was his usal delightfully contrary self. He is definately a handful alright, but this councilor seems to have a clue, about how he thinks.

He's got a lot of work to do, but he's starting to understand some things, a little. He still has seems to think he can some how justify his actions, I think as much in his own mind, as for our benifit.

I do have to give him credit for creativity. I don't buy his logic {talk about your fuzzy logic}, but I have to give him credit for trying. The kid has quite a unique way of looking at things. Now if only we could harness his powers for good.

He was thrilled with the pumpkin bread and what little apple crisp I was able to save {my coworkers eat like starving horses}. I didn't even tell him it was made with whole wheat flour {and in the pumpkin bread, hemp milk as well}.

I also ate too much yesterday, yet the scale at the gym was down half a pound from the day before, so go figure. I'm still bouncing between 162 and 165, yet another platueau.

I've decided I'm going to try and not obsess so much about my weight and fitness. Try being the operative word. A lot of things are much easier said than done. I still plan to eat healthy and exercise daily, but I've got to stop comparing myself to others, and just compare myself to where I' was before. Maybe I should print this out and post it on my fridge next time I start getting all freaked out again. I just need to remind myself where I've come from and how far, maybe than I can stop living in fear of returning. That's why every pound up, sends me spinning into panic land.

I over did it yesterday, though compared to many I was still restrained. I skpped the meat and white bread and heavy cheeses. I did eat lots of veggies, and way to much pasta salad, I also ate ton of chips, but only because one of my coworkers made a salsa that was more addictive than crack.

I have no idea what the recipe was but it had beans, black eyed peas, onions, avacado, cilantro and I don't know what else. I had to take some home. That and the Chex mix with mixed nuts. I'm a sap for that stuff. {luckily Warren ate most of what I brought home}, though I did eat more salsa and some Garden of Eatin chips for dinner, {late} as I was a little hungry and wanted more, so I got it out of my system.

In all fairness I did do BodyPump that morning, so I 'm sure my metabolism was up. {I've also decided to stop concentrating on how much weight I can lift and work on my form for now. I can up weights later}. I also did Pilates {Stott Mat} after work. That didn't really burn much calories, but it did stretch me out and help me relax.

My six month review at work was actually pretty decent. I could do better, but I"m not going to complain {I sometimes hold my self to too high of a standard and then get disappointed to find out I'm normal}. I also found out that I am one of three names tossed about as candidates to possibly move up to Product Specialist should there be an opening. {and strongly encouraged to put my name in ASAP if and opening is announced}.

Product Specialist would mean more money and instead of doing orders and taking all calls, I'd be doing calls, emails, letters etc.. for customers with specific products questions. Its one of the reasons I am takign the class I am at work {and probably why it seems to easy and too 100 for me. }.

It also means tap dancing with the FDA and current goverment rules, as its not just answering questions, but how they are answered as there are limits and rules about what we can and can't say, and when. But people above me feel I have the knowledge and the professionalilsm. That made my day.

The only things I need to work on are establishing a rapport {I tend to be a get to business person at work} and lowering my voluime. I was blessed with a voice that carries quite well, and sounds loud even when I think I'm talking normally. I've been accused of shouting when I'm not. Trust me, you dont' want me to shout. They would be complaining three states over. But since its a small group {Prod spec} and they work close together, it could be an issue.

{I've had hearing impaired clients tell me they need to turn down their hearing aids, or tell me to please not talk so loud I've had friends tell me that too. . I've also been told by some that I'm oe of the few women they can actually hear and understand. So I guess its not totally a bad thing.

Oddly enough, when I try to talk louder in front of a group I can't do it, it's like my volume gets turned off. {Unless I'm pissed or excited, than cover your ears, especially if I'm pissed at my ex}.

Make me nervous and I sound like I'm making commercials for FedEx {I can't be the only one old enough to remember that guy with the motor mouth. I could actually copy him at this pace}. Oddly the same thing happens when I am excited, had too much caffeine, or am getting manic.

It's my dad's fault. He talks exactly the same way. From what I remember of my grandparents I'm pretty sure it came from the Norweigans. Add in a German temper and I'm what you get. {and when it come from some one as short as the Swedes in my family, it suprises the hell out of everyone}.

I've been eating light, and I pushed myself on the treadmill this morning. So I think today and yesterday can average out to a good day. For dinner I"m thinking tuna steak, beet greens and maybe roasting up the second half of that squash I have in the fridge. {it wasn't until I went to cube it that I realized I had squashzilla }. I also have some cauliflower that isn't gettng any younger. I'm not a big cauliflower fan, but if I roast it , its pretty good.

My karma seems to be pretty good today. I took my car in for an oil change and it was free, since these were the same guys who did my engine back in April. The alwasy give the first oil change free on a new/rebuilt engine as part of the deal. Since things were going so well, I stopped off at my dentist to make the last payment on my root canal from back in May or June { I can't remember} and it was only 63 bucks {I guess Blue Cross paid better than I had anticipated}.

So other than paying electricity and phone after I get paid tommorrow. I"m all caught up. i even have a kitchen full of groceries. too many actually. But I like to stock up when I am ahead, so if things get lean I'm not looking at an empty pantry {I love freezers}. I also love when I hit Great Harvest at the right time to get bread so fresh it's still too warm to slice or seal in a bag. It freezes great too.

It's been a pretty decent day off. I even got to sleep in {though for me right now, sleeping in means 6:30}. I'm walking to the video store in a little bit. Fantasic Four {Silver Surfer} is out. I didn't think it would be worth paying theatre prices but I'm willing to rent it. I love a good popcorn movie.

Dinner and a movie sounds perfect tonight.

I'm in such a good mood, even those annoying magazine selling "kids" {they had to be in thier early 20's} didn't piss me off. {no I didn't buy. I've got better things to do with my money. They over charge anyway. I can get it cheaper from the publisher if I wanted to}.

Wonder what will ruin it for me.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.