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Loopy and philosophical - dangerous combination

Monday, Sept. 17, 2007 @ 6:48 pm
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If the following doesn't completely make sense just blame the lack of sleep.

Gonna be an early one tonight. I'm feeling rather loopy and I didn't even get to have the pleasure of drinking. Instead i'm looped on antihystamines and decongestants. Granted its just loratadine {Alavert/Claratin} and some non ephedra decongestants {me and ephedra is very very bad idea}, but I'm still looped.

My damn allergies had me up at 2:30am and nothing could get me back to sleep. I wasn't about to take a bendryl as I knew I'd be zonked when I did have to get up. So finally about 4:30ish I just said fluck it and got up. Yet some how I was still late for BodyPUJMP {probably 'cause I took longer than planned at the store getting allergy meds that wouldn't make me a resident of Zombie City}.

Working out while looped, in my case so tired I was wired was a trip. Mondays are always the most crowded day of the week {everyone wants to start thier new "diet' on Monday, and today was no exception. I barely made it to class on time and ended up in the back squashed in between several others as the room was about 2 people short of a fire code violation.

Afterwards when I was ready to leave I nearly had another breakdown when my keys weren't in my locker. I tore my car about, tore the lockeroom apart and finally discovered when I showed my card at the desk to get in, I left me keys there {I guess one can go senile at 38} and didn't even realize it until it ws time to go. One nervouis breakdown avoided.

Its a good thing Early Grey and I are really close friends, or I would have never made it through work.

I was thinking in the car earlier {very dangerous for me I know} about something my mom told me about my Aunt Betty {My mom's oldest sister who passed away almost 20 years ago}. Aunt Betty was about 15 or so years older than my mom [and has a grandson two weeks older than me}, but when she was little the school teachers would slap her hand and force her to try and write right handed even though she was clearly a lefty {and a talented one at that. She was by all acounts a great artist type {could make a string of dolls with a paper and scissors in seconds, even a string of horses, and was great at drawing.Her daughter is a very creative person also who does a lot of arty type stuff and also plays guitar, as did my uncle, Her grandson is also a SW geek like me, so I guess there is some genes there somewhere, but I'm getting off topic here}.

The more she would want to write left, the more they would get angry and force her to write right handed which only made things harder {My aunt was born cira 1918ish, so you do the math}. As an adult she always had off handwriting and still preferred to use her left hand. I imagine it left more than a few scars.

I was just kind of thinking how because something such as hand preferancce is natural for a majority of people society comes to view that as the norm and anything different as somehow wrong, even though its every bit as natural and normal, just not as common. That a person can consciously choose to use the wrong hand, but it will never feel natural, right it will always be fake, a pretend to fit in.

Isn't sexuality the same way. Society wants to see straight as normal, since that is the way most people are wired, yet a small but signifigant portion aren't wired that way. Sure they could choose to "fake it" ,but it wouldn't change who they are, it wouldn't feel right, it would feel like a lefty trying to write with his left hand.

None of us ever had to stop and think about which hand we prefered to use, we didn't have to make a choice we knew as soon as we were old enough to start doodling that one hand felt right and one hand felt weird {unless you were lucky enough to be ambidextrous}.

To my knowledge {and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong on this}, we don't really know why some people are left handed, while most people are right handed, but we do know its just the way a person is wired a natural variation whose cause isn't really important in the grand scheme of things, {though I'm sure genetics has a large part of it}.

A right handed person has a very hard time imagining using thier left hand as it jsut seems weird, and vice versa as it isnt' the way one is programmed. As humans we tend to see the way we are programmed as some how normal, and any one different as abnormal. We've come a long way in this regaard, but yet in many ways we haven't.

I've long since come to view sexuality the same way. For the sake of reproduction most of us are wired to be attracted to the opposite sex, but for reasons we don't understand {adn in my mind really don't matter anyway except to further our understanding of ourselves and biology in general} some people {and other mammals as well}, are wired differently. They didn't decide to be that way, any more than the rest of us decided to be a different way, both of us just are.

For the longest time in many cultures left handedness was wrong, something to be avoided, possibly even evil. Today we laugh at such a suggestion, yet we make a small part of the race miserable and dehumanized for a very similiar reason.

Let's hope we can one day realize in the same way just how rediculous we as society once were, the same way we laugh at the idea of trying to force a lefty to be a righty.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.