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In my {not exactly} happy place

Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2007 @ 7:24 pm
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An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind

I'm in a much better mental place today. Still feeling a bit WMD, but not as bad. I haven't changed my feelings on the ex {who thinks any thing he contributes deserves some sort of reward. Like he should get a medal for doing anything fatherly. Hello, they don't hand people medals for doing what they fluck they are supposed to do. DUMBASS}.

I have moved beyond the depression and put my anger in its anger place. I still feel it, but I can't let it have the control tower, I need to keep logic and reason in that spot, or I'll be headed for a cliff jump any moment, that or a padded cell.

Warren had a great day to day, other than one minor incident, where as he and another stubborn male got into some sort of testosterone pissing match over what some science term meant. {I swear testosterone kills brain cells, it must}. But I can live with 99 percent. He is capable of having a good day, we know that. The question is can he continue to have them, even when he is in a bad mood, or feels contrary. The main question is will he ever be able to see the full consequences of his actions and the effect he has on others, or will he like his father continue to be selfish and narrcisstic, thinking only of how things effect them.

Warren has an advantage in that he is only 14 and still somewhat maleable, and teachable, whereas the almost 30 years of assorted illegal and quasi legal pharmeceuticals have pretty much turned his father's brains into vegatable soup. Warren has a heart and feelings. He shows them sometimes, I can see it. I am his mother and I know him better than anyone on Earth. I know he isn't a bad kid, just an extremely screwed up one, who didn't get a connection somewhere, or who just refuses to for some reason.

I wanted to thank everyone for thier supportiveness. I knew there would be people here who understand. This is probably the only place where I talk about anything, where somebody actually has a freaking clue and knows what I am going thru.

I think if I didn't have the 'net, I'd have swallowed a dozen viocoden and taken a permanent siesta a long time ago. Fortunately I've reached the point where there is no longer any danger of that anymore, though some days are much harder than others, as there is only so much one person can take.

Lately trying on clothes also makes me feel good, I have no money, but the ARC has a really nice store near where I work. I got a hoodie {size medium huzzah, a long sleeved Hard Rock Paris t -shirt {to go w/ my London sweatshirt if I can find it} and a pair of size 10 jeans. At last I can once again look good in my uniform of choice [faded jeans, tshirt, hoodie and sneakers, fashionista I ain't, comfy I am}. And the three items were only 14 bucks and some change, and for second hand they look almost new.

New clothes always make feel happy and fuzzy, and warm. Today's high was 60. When I left this morning at 5:30 {I'm up before the roosters} it was 48 flocking degrees outside. they are talking possible frost tonight or tommorrow. Last week it was in the 90's.

One nice thing about ND, if you don't like the weather, wait a day or two, it will be radically different. After all this is a state with two seasons, winter and road construction, and the orange pylons are fast dissapearing.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
Music of the mind: :

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.