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depressed and cranky, lots of other things too

Monday, Sept. 10, 2007 @ 9:57 pm
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Just when I think my son my actually be getting a clue, he once again reminds me that he doesn't GET It.

He's becomming mroe like his dad, able to say what he is supposed to when he wants/needs to, when it suits him to get what he wants, when he is in the mood too.

Than bam, he's back again. Arguing and being obsinate and blaming everybody but himself for the trouble he is having. I know he feels misundestood, but he also can't seem to grasp the fact that when we break rules, especially blatant disregaard for well known rules, and we get caught, it isn't the person enforcing the rules who is getting us in trouble, it was our choice to defy the rules that got us in trouble.

He still thinks what he did was no big deal, that his actions hurt no one. {Personally I don't really think there is such a thing as victimless crime, yes some crimes don't actually cause direct harm, but there are still victims, to say nothing of potential victims}. He does't seem to see what is so wrong with stealing, drinking, sneaking out, and who knows what else.

And to top it off, now the IDIOT {who deserves all caps to emphasize what a scum suking waste of air he really is} is not only trying to defend Warren's choices as just a youthful mistake. {"all kids experiment". Yes but all kids don't sneak out repeatedly and do the same crimes over and over with no care about the consequences{ and worst of all, now the fucking moron thinks he can somehow stop Warren from eventually living with me.

He's actually trying to accuse me of not being a good parent. WTF is up with im. He has NEVER even tried to BE a parent. I may not be perfect, in fact I know I've made many mistakes and piss poor choices. I can't make up for a lot of things, but at least I tried to do my best, at least I was fucking there. Mike ain't even there when he is there.

He thinks he an phone in fatherhood. DaMN him.

I've always tried to drive home the message of empathy for others and concern for himself. I thought he would understand that rules exist for a reason, and even if we disagree with them, there are right and wrong ways to change them. But he can't seem to grasp the magnitude of his actions, can't seem to understand why 14 is not even close to being and adult.

I'm not talking normal teenage rebellion, normal acting out that everyone goes thru. We are way beyond that. People have bent over backwards and gone to bat for him, but does he appreciate it? He ceertainly doesn't act like it.

I for one just feel like crawling into bed adn never getting out. I will of course I'll be right back at the gym, right back at work, putting on a smile and pretending things are both hunky and dory. While dieing everytime somebody talks about there wonderful kid, or how bad they think there kid is, how hard they have it, when they really haven't got a clue.

If I hear one more person complain because their kid missed curfew by 20 minutes, did some other inane normal teenage thing, I think I will explode like a WMD {Woman of major destrucivenes} and go postal on some unsuspecting innocent bystander.

I really wish I could just open up his head and poor some sense into it. Other days I'd like to shake the M----- {last name of the IDIOT} ruight out of him.

I guess neither of them care how much I 'm hurt, my mom, his teachers, workers and countless others who are trying to help and teach him. No he wants to identify with the LOSER.

At this point I am not ready to make any rash decisions, but child support or no, I'm seriously contemplating terminating the man's parental rights {the state won't let me do a home lobotomy on him, damn it anyway}.

Warern will be 18 in four years and it won't be up to me, but maybe if I can get him out of Warren's life he can straighten up. On the otherhand it coudl also backfire, as Warren loves him despite his IDIOTness.

I know its beyond me, but I wish someone would see what this is doing to me. I keep telling myself he isn't doing this on purpose to hurt me, that there is way more to it than that. I am trying not to take it personally, but how the fluck can I not. I'm his mother, I'm supposed to teach him better than this. I was supposed to protect him, educate him, prepare him for adulthood.

Clearly I failed like a microwave milkshake {raise your hand if you remember that brilliant idea}.

And to add insult to injury, now I'm getting canker sores again. I haven't had one in years [yes i know gargle, lysine, ambesol..yadda yadda} and they are making me even more crankier than usual.

I keep thinking he will wake up, get a clue, turn it around and live happily ever after {if there even exists such a thing, outside Nevernever land}. Everytime I see something positive, I think finally, he's improving, he's catching on. But I'm always disapointed later.

I'm a drowning person in a hurricane trying to grab any old straw that is tossed in my general direction .


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.