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**insert sounds of heavy sighing**

Sunday, Sept. 02, 2007 @ 8:00 pm
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More Unconscous Mutterings aka fun with Cranky's psyche.

1. Scrabble ::
game

2. NyQuil ::
sleepy time

3. Roadtrip ::
funtimes

4. Idiot ::
Mike

5. Bandages ::
I am stuck on bandaid, cause bandaid's stuck on me

6. Series ::
television - SVU

7. Summer ::
In the summertime ..doo doo da da dee dee. I can hear the song, i"If her Daddy's rich take her out for a meal, if her daddy's poor just do what you feel..."

8. Prompt ::
telepromter

9. September ::
Wake me up when Septemeber ends..

10. Chicken ::
Shit..

I think the other shoe finally dropped. Warren didn't get his visit from me today. He was grounded for swearing, and he kind of escalated from there. One of these days he will learn I hope. There is a time you need to stand up for yourself and a time when you need to sit down, shut up and do as your told. Other times you just have to find away to express yourself that doesn't violate the unwritten rules of society, and doesn't get you in to more trouble.

He finally got a grip and didn't take nearly as far as I had feared, but it still freaked me out. This place can do a lot for him, but they can't help someone who refuses to be helped. He seems so depressed, like I used to do, he plays the victim of an unfairl life, who can't see that while yes somethings are unfair and beyond his control, most of his trouble are things he brings on himself. Reminds me of his father, and I am so not going to let that happen.

I played that card for many years, it got me to 300 pounds, with a disaster of a relationship with a man I should have dumped after a month, it cost me at least one job, and it almost cost me another one. It nearly brought me to financial disaster. It also made it convenient to not do anything, since after all none of it was my fault right. Why should I fix what I didn't cause.

Too bad hindsight is always so much cleareer than foresight.

Let's hope he learns early before he gets himself in too deep. I'm still fighting the battle daily, and let me tell you, it isn't a fun fight to have.

I fear his father and I have taught him too well, only we taught him the wrong lessons.

I'm trying not to let my guilt get to me. But when your baby boy is depressed adn feeling down and hopeless it is so hard not to want to go there and wallow with him, its what I wanted at that age. It was also the worst thing for me. It only reinforced things. I need to be upbeat and listen but not let him wallow. I don't know for sure how to do that. I'm either with him, or telling him to buck up, which any one who's been depressed knows is the last thing you want/need to hear.

Cross your fingers. I may get to visit him tommorrow if he can keep his act together and awknowledge his part in things.

On the brightside, I'm wearing a smaller size undies and not only do they fit good, but I look damn good in them. Now if only I could get the flabby skin of my thighs.

Since I didn't get to visit Warren I spent most of the day just reading and doing nothing. {between phone calls to check up on Warren}. I finally had enough and went to the video store just to get out of the house. I did go to the gym this morning. I'm getting better at the running thing. I can go faster and longer than I ever dreamed. I doubt I'll ever be competing except against myself, but for now that's enough for me. It will have to be.

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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