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Have you seen Leanna Warner?
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almost over and done

Wednesday, May. 16, 2007 @ 8:08 pm
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I haven't updated for awhile, because of a number of reasons. Partially because of being busy, and partially because I"m still having a hard time comming to grips with certain things.

Its all over with Warren, except the official paperwork and final placement. He plead out to 5 of the charges that were against him and the state dropped the other two {the two biggies}. He is now a ward of the juvenille system for one year. They are hoping to get him intto a place close to here, if possible, but they are all full right now. And in order to get on the list I first need to fill out 500 or so forms and find copies of his birth certificate, social security card, stundent id, my custody decree, the restraining order against the idiot, and proof of child support owed. Oh and I could have been on a waiting list earlier but I hadn't filled out a form, I didnt' know I was supposed to ask for, because the guy who could have given it to me {Brad the PO}, never told me about it. Don't you just love red tape.

On the bright side this means I am done with court for now, and while Warren was a little upset at first, his attourney did a fairly good job of spelling out the cold hard facts of what he was up against, and he was quick to accept the reality of the situation, and that I did what I thought was best. One of the hardest parts of motherhood isn't protecting your kids from the scary monsters of the world, the hot stoves and the speeding cars, it is when you find yourself having to protect your child from himself. {and having his so called "friends" carve the word bitch in your front door to thank you for your efforts. And before you ask, yes I did file a police report}.

The idiot of course also had his lawyer present who just got the case a day or so ago, so wasn't up to speed. He was still trying to get the wife of his friends brother to help act as caretakeer while I was at work. I barely know here, and school will be out in a week or so. IT was so not an option. Warren wanted it to be, but accepted that it wasn't going to happen. He doesn't like it, but I think reality has finally sunk in. I hope.

I'm still not really ready to talk about everything that is going thru my head. I know I"ve did the best I could with what I had, and I love my son more than anything. But I can't help feeling like I failed somewhere. My son saw what drinking did to his father. He knew exactly how I felt, we had talked about drugs and alcohol many many times, and yet he chose to drink anyway. He chose to steal and hang out with the kids who had bad reputations, getting himself one in the process. I know I shouldn't blame myself but I do. I feel like somewhere I did or didn't do something I should have. I find myself replaying his entire childhood event by event.

I'm working on coming to terms with my own emotions but it isn't an easy process.

Strange now that I have a car, one would think I would have more time to fit more things in, but I seem to have even less.

My company is a corporate partner with the local Y, and they now have a program where they will pay 20 dollars per month towards a membership in any gym for any employee. I could have a gym membership for practically nothing, and yet instead of racing down to take advantage, I can't even seem to find the time to get there, and I keep finding excuses as to why I won't have time to work out, blah blah.. I don't get it. I used to be out of the house at 6:45, now I can barely roll out of bed before 7am. I"m getting so lazy.
I may just have to force myself to sign up and get my but out of bed early again, so I can work out in the am's. Maybe then I won't be so exhausted by 3pm.

Jerry Falwell passed away, yet his least favorite cousin, Jerry Lee "the killer" Lewis is still going strong , or at least still going.. I guess being self righteious, and judgemental doesn't buy you everything. I find it hard enough to believe they come from the same family tree, but finding out they grew up next to each other and played together as kids??, Man that must have been one intersting family. {thier mothers were sisters, I beileve}. I bet holidays in that family were a hoot.

The wind has died down finally, so instead of sitting here watchign my ass get wider, I think I'm going to go for a walk and see if I can break in my new shoes. {Is there a woman out there, who can restist those two famous words "shoe sale", especially when she really really needs to say good bye to some worn out favorites, and replace them}.

TTFN

edited:Slight Retraction: Ignore what I said about Jerry Lee, I had Jerry Falwell confused with Jimmy Swaggert. it still makes for a very intersting family dynamic though. Clearly the showman gene runs in the family And Jerry Falwell, was still a blowhard full of hot air.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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