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Have you seen Leanna Warner?
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**no titles tonight

Monday, Apr. 23, 2007 @ 7:10 pm
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You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

You Are 71% Burned Out

You are very burned out. You need a huge break from your responsibilities, starting as soon as possible. And you need this time to reevaluate what you really want out of your life. Because you're working hard and going no where... and that would burn anyone out!

My back has been killing me all day, as has my belly. I haven't had to make any runs for the potty, but I have felt like I've been kickboxed in the kidneys. I finally broke down and got some simethicone, which seemed to help me feel better but also seemed to render me a bit...ummm...noxious..no more combining soy nuts and prunes for me. {am I sad or what.. I can't even do a good junk food binge anymore}.

I met with Warren's pdoc today, sans Warren and we had a pretty good talk, h is definately on my side regaarding Warrens issues and will be very helpful with us getting Warren in the place he needs to be.

Getting a kid put in a facility like that isn't as easy as just calling them up and filling out some forms. There are tons of people who need to make refferals and write letters adn exhchang information. Its a paperwork nightmare. But at least I have several people on my side. And given all of Warren's troubles and my current state of income, I will also have my very own state paid for lawyer, Warren will have his own. {I'm still not sure how we reached this point, or how I didn't see before what is now crystal clear to me, I sadly fear all those bouts where Warren didn't "feel well" and wanted to go back to bed were really hangover, he must have either got in before I noticed or had it hidden here somewhere}.

Meanwhile Warren will be staying in Juvy for the next two weeks. He was quite upset to hear I wasn't going to plead for his release to my custody and that he had used up all his chances with me as well as everyone else. I can't believe I can't trust my own son. That isn't the way it is supposed to be.

Later he called me at work begging for another chance for me not to send him to the Boy's Ranch. I want to believe him, at this point he even means it, but when the real world comes back it will disappear teh first time one of his so called friends suggests soem stupid idea, or he gets some stupid idea. He doesn't have the tools. I can't take care of him anymore. I don't know my own baby, I don't recognize the child I gave birth to. I keep trying to figure out exactly what I did wrong or where the change happened. He's always had issues and trouble, but he was a good kid at heart {still is}, but it was all petty silly stuff, or a a lack of ability to keep his mouth shut.

was it the staying with his dad, my bipolar issues, my own inability to keep things afloat, did I yell too much, not enough. WAs it because I didn't stay home, because I co slept too long, were we too close, or not close enough? I know in my logic that it isnt' my fault, that he is old enough to make his own choices and know the condquences, but that doesn't help. Ask any parent, they'll tell you, a child doesn't stop being your little boy/girl just because they grow up. No matter how much they grow up, they are still your precious baby and your first isntinct is to hold them and fix everythign even when it is beyond your ability to fix it.

Tonight probably wasn't he best night to watch the end of Bobby. A great movie, one of the few that made me teary at the end. He could have done so much for so many if only the idiots and evil people of the world would have let him. If you get a chance rent this movie, its a fictional account of people at a real event,but it is still and excellent movie. It has nothing to do with Warren,but it does take my mind of of things for a while.

Next up, either 12 Monkeys or Brotherhood of the Wolf {I said I have diverse taste I meant it. I also almost rented Brigadoon, cept it was already rented, how's that for diversity of taste}.

Maybe one of these days, I'll have time to fall apart. Meanwhile Its dvd therapy for me.

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Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass:
Thankful For:
Music of the mind: :

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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