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I've had all I can take.

Sunday, Apr. 01, 2007 @ 10:21 pm
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DISCLAIMER I love my son. I really do. He is my life and my only child. He will always be my little boy, even when he is a grown up {should he live that long}. So please take the following rant with that in mind. I am extremely frustated, hurt and angry at the moment. Anyone with children should more than understand how no one can get to us as much as someone we have dedicated so much to, and who often seems to have no appreciation for it.

I really don't understand my son at all. He is a very smart person, amazingly smart and creative. Yet he is making some of the stupidest decisions ever. ITs like somebody held him down and fed him an overdose of stupid pills, or he fell out of a tree and hit the part of his head responsible for thinking before acting, while increasing blood flow to the "others are responsible for my choices and I did nothing wrong" section.

I have had it. I am tired of being lied to, called names and treated like a slave. I am tired of tantrums and begging when he doesn't get his way. I am tired of being blamed for everything and being the subject of his anger. I can't stand the lack of respect, and the complete rejection of my authority.

I dont' understand where I went wrong. I thought I was doing everythign right. I nursed, I coslept, I read to him for hours and always tried to make time to be with him. I played with him, I took him to intersting places, cooked healthy meals and always made sure he had a safe place to live, clean clothes, and a few nice things. I stay up and worry about him, and he thinks I am over reacting, and being stupid for insisting on rules and curfews.

I can't tell him anything, beacuse I am always wrong and besides I'm too stupid to know anyway. He's 13, and doesn't need anything anymore. He has all the answers and if we only listened to him we'd all be better off.

He thinks he can be a brat to me, and I"ll still be there to rub his back and massage his head. He treats me like crap and then wants me to spend time with him. He's only sorry when he gets caught {which is always, he's a lousy criminal}, and I just want to ruin his life and take away all his fun.

He complains of boredom, but wil he help me out, of course not. He;ll make promises if he thinks it will score points or get him what he wants {a ploy hsi father taught him well}, but he won't follow thru most of the time. He has some excuse.

He or his friends have wrecked things, things I can't afford to pay for, but balks at the idea he should have to pay, or help. I should do it all, and if I don't have money for other stuff, than somehow I'm stupid or its my fault for daring to do something for me, beause apparently in his mind the universe should revolve around him. He can't see beyond what he wants/how he feels/beyond the next five minutes to any potential consequences of his actions.

He got busted twice this week, and when I wouldn't give him money to go swimming with his friends he pitched a fit, bailed out when I fell alseep and decided to steal somebody's bike. He came back and took a dollar out of the money I keep in my underwear drawer.

when I asked him about it, he looked right at me and bald faced lied to me. Saying his friend got a new bike and gave him the old one for me. He left to "get it licensed" not minutes later I get a call from the cops that he's been busted again.

He went to liscense the bike only the chick had reported it stolen and he got a lovely suprise. It also meant I had to get up, get dressed {despite feeling like crap}, and walk to the cop shop in the rain. Luckily the cop gave us a ride back.

Then he had the nerve to expect me to order him pizza because he was hungry. Never mind the 95 bucks I had just spent on food, Saturday. He was hungry and there was "nothing " in the house to eat. {Meaning it all required some sort of effort beyond shoving it int he over, or punching microwave buttons}. I had it and flipped out on him.

Eventually he settled for tomato soup and grilled cheese.

I am sick and fucking tired of doing everyting around here, and being humiliated by a son who insists on self destructing while blaming others. If he is so bored why doesnt' he get off his ass and do something, there are tons of things to do around here, except they all resemble work. And he won't join any clubs or teams at school.

He than had the nerve, the unmitigated gall to say that if I had given him money for swimming he wouldh't have done it. I lost it then.

I don't know what we are going to do. He is in so much trouble, and he doesnt' seem to give a flying nut.

He doesn't give a damn about himself, he doesn't care who he hurts, or what anybody else might go thru.

And then he tried to tell me he doesn't know waht he'd do with out me. Funny way of showing it.

I just can't take the hurt anymore. I can't take the disrespect the lying. This isn't the kid I gave birth too, this isn't my son. I didn't raise him to think any of this would be acceptable.

I've made a lot of mistakes and he's seen a lot of crap between is father and me. God knows he's had a lot of problems, but he can't seem to see he is bring on most of his trouble himself. A lot of people care for him and would be happy to help him, but he just throws it in their face.

I do love him, but I really don't want to be his mother anymore. This isn't what I signed up for. And If I read one more post or hear one more parent bragging about thier wonderful, Eagle scout, honor student, who delivers meals and helps little old ladies cross the street I swear I will climb the water tower down the street and pick off every damn teenager I see.

the knot at the end of my rope has officially came untied.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.