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Wednesday, Feb. 21, 2007 @ 7:49 pm
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Crunchity, crunchity, crunch

That my friends is the sound of me once again enjoying real food. Carrots, nuts, Wasa crackers, celery, fresh peppers. ahh how easily we take for granted the ability to chew, and how nice it is to regain something so missed.

Life with Warren as usual has been a none stop sequence of rare dull moments. It seems he almost got himself int o some serious trouble, but was damn lucky to get out of it. He's a good kid, with a good heart, but these stupid friends of his, have lead him down the road to making some really stupid choices. And my pre medicated behaviour didn't help to encourage the behaviour I wanted, not as well as I had hoped anyway. It's hard to parent and have a panic attack at the same time. But I think we are slowly moving past it.

I'm a long way from "normal" but I am handling things much better. Instead of freaking out on his ass this time, I managed to reamain calm [at least on the outside], and actually talk to him, instead of just yelling and loosing my temper.

We've had a few talks this week actually about several things. We certainly haven't solved anything and his 'issues' are no where close to being fixed, but I think we are on the wy to accomplishing something. Homemade hot cocoa and some quiet time can do wonders for almost anything, even angsty, hormonally challanged teenage boys, and thier stressed out, seretonin challanged mothers.

Warren still has his up days and his down days [who doesn't?}, but I think I feel a little better able to handle it. I still get upset and anxious, but I am much better able to self talk myself in to a more reasonable state instead of getting all riled up, or feeling like he is somehow just trying to ruin my life, which he isn't. In many ways, it may not even bee [totally] about me. Ansgt and teenagers go together like roaches and garbage, like chocolate and peanut butter, or stains and white clothes. I need to move outside my bubble.

Today was an intersting day. It started when I opened my eyes at 5am to see my son sitting on the edge of my bed watching television. He was clearly more awake than I could hope to be, and by 15 to 6 or so he had made pancakes, he was even nice enough to bring a plate to me. They weren't the greastest,but they were good and off course I ate them with gusto and loved them. After all its not everyday your son makes you breakfast, in bed yet.

Of course he also needed lunch money, but I knew about that the night before.

Work would have actually been a good day, minus one particular caller a royal ass pain, in more need of a B.O.B. than any woman I have had the mispleasure of dealing with. Anyone who places 5, calls and talks to 6 people because of a 1 dollar coupon that was applied, but didn't show on the invoice because it was added after the order started printing and who goes off on somebody who accidentally calls her Joan instead of JOAnne, is somebody with her head so far up her ass she can stick a qtip in her belly button to clean her ears.

I appologized right away for the name mixup and laughed abit, trying to lighten the mood, [with 99 percent of the people it works - most werne't apparently pottty trained in the womb], she sounded like was okay with it, but then when I asked her if I might inquire what it was about [the caller info comes up on caller id, that's where the name issue came from], so that I could tell the super before I transferred her [ie, warn him/her what they were going to get into], she said something about everybody wanting to "get under the skin", adn then somethign about names and called me LO-Hi and hung up. She called back and finally got transferred to A. Who even called me to talk about her. She was that bad, apparently this is nothing new. We have a few "needy" customers, adn a few 'difficult' customers. she is on both lists.

I feel sorry for the people who live in ***, some city in upstate NY, I can't remember the name. I'd hate to be anyone who had to deal with that on a regular basis.

Its also dawned on me, that part of the reason people treat me differently since I"ve lost the weight is that I"ve become more outgoing. I react differently to people. I make converstation instead of just answering questions and trying to remain invisible, and not really going out of my way. I didn't like me, so I didn't expect anyone else to. I came off as someone who didn't give a damn if others liked her or not, I pretended I didn't care, but the truth is I did care, I cared alot, but it is easier to pretend it doesn't matter and that you like being a loaner, than it is to admit you want to be liked, but aren't sure how to drop your guard and just let people in.

It may be hard to tell online, but in real life, despite what I do for a livign I am a very shy, quiet person, [shut up K*, you guys are a different story, I've known you for years, hehehe, lol]. I'm one of those people who takes a long time to warm up to people, to let them near. Now I realize I can let people in a little, some or all the way. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can have friends at work, I can go out and iniate conversation and the world won't end.

I've come a long way. As a child i was so basheful I would hide in the cupboard from the baby sitter [I was much smaller then], I wouldn't be able to open my mouth to people I didn't know, and the thought of speaking out to somebody was one of the scariest things I could think of.

Eventually I realized the world wasn't going to swallow me whole, and if I spoke to someone odds were they would be nice, and not eat me for lunch, nor would I likely die of embarassment. I forced myself to talk to people until it became comfortable. I got a job where I was forced to talk to stangers all day long.

Eventually I got good at it, over the phone, or the internet. I could talk to anybody in person if it was business, or small talk. But to talk to somebody and be a potential friend, to open myself up, that is still a work in progress. But I am learning that I can be myself and still have friends, friends I don't have to be like to be friends with. Even if we are just work friends and not life long bff's, at least it is a start.

I do have friends, but it takes me a long time to warm up to them. I've even met two local diariets [one I knew pre d*land,] in person. I was never so nervous in my life. both turned out to be wonderful real people, but all I could think both times, was that I was on my way to wind up n a ditch somewhere with an ax in my head.

I am definaly a work in progress

To answer Catsoul's question, Rooibos is a type of tea, also known as red tea. It comes from a bush native to South africa, and is relativley new to the American market. It has no caffiene, little or no calories and has several minerals and antioxidants. It has a slighly sweet, kind of earthy/fruity like taste. I can't like with this stupid keyboard, but for more information check out It is usually sold almost anywhere good tea is sold, either loose or in tea bags.

Oh and LA, you are so right about the right bra making all the difference. I have a figure again, and my old shirts look so different, and so much better on me, now that my boobs no longer hang down like water ballons.


Prequels ~ Sequels

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.