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rain rain go away

Saturday, Apr. 29, 2006 @ 9:35 pm
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Sometimes I like cloudy gray days. I love to sit inside in a warm bedroom, or to make a nice warm hearty dish like beef stew (tommorrow's dinner actually, gotta love those crockpots), and watch cheesy television (these days that covers just about all of it). Today didn't quite live up to that.

It's been drizzling rainy and gray all day. My mood seems to be matching for some reason. I did ride my bike down to the salon for my hair appointment, so I wasn't housebound all day. I love my new hair. My silver threads are now copper threads. I stuck with my normal color as a base (dark blondish), and had some red added to the mix. I love the color, but it is taking some getting used to, if I don't stop checking out the mirror people are going to think I'm vain.

While I was there a group of high school girls came in for prom doos. I can't believe its prom already. I would have killed for that one girls hair. Long thick curly hair, like Kerri Russel, but not as foofy. The other girl had long blond hair and was getting a cool half updo. It made me kind of miss my old long hair. I miss doing updo's.

After my hair appointment I came home and finally gave into eating something. (I did have breakfast at 8 am, my appointment was at 1). The rest of the day I sort of never left my bed. I just watched a What not to Wear Marathon until I fell asleep. I should have gone out and did some exercise, but with the rain and the cold I just couldn't my groove to move.

I didn't over eat much today, but I feel like such a slug for not getting out and moving. I can't explain it, but I seem to be having one of those downer days. I know I will pick myself up and be back in the saddle again tommorrow. I didn't work this hard to just toss it all out the window.

I actually got two compliments at work yesterday from people who asked me if I've been losing weight and then told me they noticed, and I looked good. I probably look better since I'm actually wearing clothes that fit, instead of my usual Invisible fat girl pants, that are about as flattering as a burlap sack. Occassionally I still want to wear them. Even though I've lost close to 35 pounds and counting, I still feel like the older fatter me. I have a long way to go, so even though I know in my head I've made a great accomplishment, my emotional side has a hard time accepting it, and wants to poo poo it as nothing. Strangey this voice often sounds a lot like my ex. Normally I can ignore it, but like all women I have happy body days, and fat slug days ( and I don't even get periods).

I knew something was up when I had a pizza craving all day. I didn't give into it, but I sure wanted to. I still would love to. But I know its my brain that wants it, not my stomach as I am not physically hungry. In fact I am rather full. I need to find other ways to deal with these feelings. But I really really want that pizza, even though I know it has a days worth of calories and I'll hate myself tommorrow. Part of me knows it will make me feel better. Fortunately the smarter part of me is prevailing.

I'm such a Leo, a true lion. I love my mane, I'm tenacious as all get out, when backed into a corner I come out with my claws bared, and I have a desperate need for control. When I truly make up my mind about something I can hold on like a pit bull. Lets hope I can hold on to this.

Warren and I have been talking about his birthday. So far he has been thinking either Mall of America, and The cities which is only about 3 or 4 hours away, or South Dakota as we are also only about a half days drive from Mt Rushmore, Deadwood, Rapid City etc.. I've been there once when I was about 12 or so and it was really cool. If it wasn't so expensive one of those helicopter tours of Mt. Rushmore would be totally cool (if not seriously nerve racking). Nothing is definate yet, but cool thoughts none the less. I found out yesterday that I was approved for my time off, so that is 7 days of no work, that I get vacation pay for.

The idiot may be in jail again sooner than planned. He already got dragged back into court for non payment of child support, and apparently has to make another appearance. The idiot also had the gall to ask me to register some van he has in my name, and even more gall to be uspet that I wanted my name no where near any vehicle of his. So what does Sir Stupid do, he registers it with a name he either made up (or conned some poor chick into letting him use, I'm not sure which), and used MY address. Bad idea. I just need a little more info, before I rat his ass out to the cops and I can soon be free of him again. He says he isn't going to drive it, but we all know his word plus 25 cents wouldn't be worth a quarter.

I'd feel sorry for the idiot if he wasn't responisble for digging his own damn grave. I doubt I'll ever the the 13+ grand in back child support he owes, but at least I know as long as he has parental rights, and is alive I can go after him for it. On the other hand his mom has quite a bit of money. Too bad Mike will never see any of it, as his kids will all be taking huge cuts of any inheritance he ever gets long before he see's a dime. The moral of the story guys is, keep your pants zipped if you aren't ready to deal with potential parenthood. All birth control has a failure rate. Warren is living proof.

I sure hope tommorrow is sunnier, inside and out.


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.