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Parenthood is not for wimps

Wednesday, Feb. 01, 2006 @ 6:42 pm
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I'm not sure how long it is going to last, but Warren was a bit of a different boy today. He wasn't really happy with his situation, but he managed to keep his attitude under control.

He did good at school, relatively speaking and made all he needed to make. He basically told his teacher, I don't want to be hear and do this, but I don't want to go back to Juvy and I want my psp back, so that is why I am doing it. I say hey, as long as he is doing it, eventually, hopefully it will become a habit, he will automatically do.

I had a really long meeting with the staff at his school today. His reading is improving dramatically with the help of Read and Write computer program. We both agree that as he is more and more successfull and more and more responsible (more on that later) his anger will disapate. Right now he feels like he can't do anything, isn't capable of achieving, or behaving. I know he can. I just need him to realize he can. As the Whiz told Dorothy, the power was your's all the time, you just didn't realize it.

Last night was not good. He was mostly good, but when I informed him that I was also sick of his giving me crap in the mornings and not wanting to get up, and that I would soon be getting him a good loud alarm clock, as he would get a couple warnings from me, and then he would be on his own. If he was up when I was. I would make him breakfast, otherwise he would be on his own. If he was late or truant he would have to deal with the consequences. He did not like that idea at all. The only reason I am considering it, is because he is a bear cat in the am, and I am tired of the nonsense. I shouldn't have to yell 500 times, and work my self in a lather when I have enough on my mind. He needs to take some more responsiblity for his own behavior. As much as he hates it right now, I believe in the long wrong it will do wonders for his self respect and self esteem.

I feel so bad though, he got so mad last night, I did what I told my self I would never do. I feel so ashamed, but I actually slapped him once. I didn't mean it, I just snapped after being told to shut up. I totally caught him off guard. We eventually worked things out, but he was quite upset. He went so far as to say "I wasn't his mother anymore." I took me a while to figure out, he meant I am not the same person I was last week, not that I am literally not his mother any more. And then the tears and the guilt trip of how I don't care for him, and have no idea how hard it is, and can't I see that he isn't capable of behaving. Bollocks!! He's proven he is quite capable of it, when it suits him, or he needs to be.

When kids are first born, and they hand you that screaming bundle of total helplessness, a mother's first instinct is to protect and save him/her from all the terrible things in the big bad world. It's taken me a long while to realize that perhaps there is a point when the kid needs to deal with and face down some of these big bad terrible things, such as the consequences of thier actions. I'm not bailing him out anymore. If he forgets to tell me, he needs lunch money, he can go hungry until I am able to get him money. I'm not running around to get him a lunch. If he doesn't want to shower for days, he can live with the consquences of smelling. He wanted a Vin Diesel hair cut, and now he is discovering how really cold it can be this time of year, especially since there are no hats in the building. (school). And his scabs are clearly visible. Both of which he was warned about.

What the baby manuals don't warn you about is when your kid reaches the age, where you have to let go, and start letting them live with thier mistakes and choices. It is one of the hardest things with being a parent.

On the bright side, he did well today, so I suprised him with a treat from Subway. He was also so proud to show me his point sheet, and when I asked him a question or asked him to come upstairs he didn't cope a 'tude once. Which was amazing. I just hope it lasts for awhile.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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