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Return of the J-D

Tuesday, Jan. 31, 2006 @ 11:41 am
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First I want to say I am flattered and thrilled with all the wonderful supportive comments I've recieved with the last two updates, don't tell me 'net friends aren't real friends, because they so are.

Warren is back home and in my custody. He was thrilled to be out, natch, but not so thrilled with the new changes in rules and in my dealing with him. I am sick of the eggshells and the bailing out. I made it clear to him, that from now when when he makes his bed (metaphorically speaking) he will have to lie in it. He had a fit about loosing his beloved Psp. But when I refused to argue the point and just refusing to give him a fight he eventually relented and accepted my terms for earning it back. He doesn't like it and he is still trying to manipulate me into giving it back, but he isn't trying nearly so hard.

Today after his dr appt (for his exzema) he wanted to go out for lunch instead of eating at school, even though his class is doing potluck (his contribution was tortilla chips). He even tried to convince me that we couldnt' get chips and make it there in an hour, so he'd miss lunch anyway. But I know Fargo, and we made it there in 30 minutes. When I said no the second time, he got upset at my tone, but accepted it, grudgingly.

He seems to have learned his lesson in the short term, the question remains how long will it stick. He is the kind of kid who needs a very consistant environment with swift consquences and continual reminders of what those consequences are. I'd like to be more open, but I've learned the hard way, you can't bargain with him, if I give him an inch he'll try for three miles. He has his dad's charm, and ability to read people, powers that can be dangerous in the wrong hands.

He can still turn out to be a good person, but I have a feeling my work here has just began and the next 8 years, are going to make the first 12 seem like a picnic. I already know he is the kind of kid, who doesn't believe the stove is hot until he gets burned. He needs what Mike and I didn't get as kids, a tough consistant hand that will be there for him, but won't bail him out of everything and make excuses for all of his behavior.

For so long I've walked on eggshells with him, gone out of my way with schools, teachers, daycare workers to try and make excuses, soften things make things easier, clean up his messes. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of taking more responsibility for him than he takes form himself. He is half way to adulthood now. I love him and will always be there to support him, and make sure all his basic needs are met, and that he is loved. But if he wants to make a choice to act a certain way, or follow a certain path I will no longer clear the bumps from the road. I think a few pitfalls, and some consquences are what he needs. If he wantsto threaten things, he can threaten. I am sick of being manipulated. I think it is what I needed to face as a kid.

Only time will tell if I am on the right path. I know there are some very rough rides ahead. But even if we go three steps forward and two steps back, we are still moving ahead, however slowly it may be.

Among his current requirenents to earn back his psp,

1. appologizing to all the staff at school who were there when he lost it (and I will check)

2. making all his points with nothing less than a 3 and no more than 500 points in consquences, including points earned back for discussing the issue and making ammends.

3. Taking out the garbage is now his responsibilty.

4.Cleaning and straightening up the whole living room (it's not that big), including all the garbage that needs t to be taken out, rearrannging the furniture (long story)

5.Listening to me with out an attitude, and doing what he is told

6. Bringing up his grades, which atroucious, not because he isn't smart enough, but because he is refusing to do the work.

7. Complying with any and all requests or stipulations made by the court, with out whining or complaint.

If he can keep this up, until such time as I deem he has learned his lesson he will get it back. I chose the psp because I know that is the one "toy" which is most important too him and which I know he can't access at his friends house when I am not around. It's not as tough as I would like, but compared to how it was before and how it would be if he went back to juvy I think he gets the picture.

The parenting books never tell you about any of this stuff. I still say kids should come with warning labels.


Prequels ~ Sequels

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~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.