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Pass the valium..please

Thursday, Nov. 17, 2005 @ 6:52 am
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This past week has been a doozy. Warren is on the verge of not making it to Christmas, much less 13.

Monday night, I come home and apparently I am the only one in the 4 plex home. Some lady (strangely I never did get her name), was waiting for ***, my neighor's sort of semi ex-wife (I don't know the whole story, I don't want to know). She was supposed to be there, somethign about her friend had her car, and she needs to get back to Bismarck, and she can't get ahold of anyone. Of course it was also pouring rain and freezing and I guess she had been there for sometime. My neighbor she was waiting for doesn't currently have a phone, and since it was cold and wet out, I let her use our phone. After trying several people I ended up giving her a ride to her daughter's where thankfully her friend and her car were both waiting, (her daughter it seems has a habit of turning off her phone). I dropped her off, she offered to get me some money, but that darn North Dakota nice kicked in and I turned her down, than left before she could come back. Hopefully she made it back to Bismarck, hopefully I wasn't playing chauffer to Jackie the Ripper, though she seemed plenty nice enough and didn't do anything odd or suspicious. But Warren was home alone, I just thank God that everything was fine. Its such a hard line to draw, between protecting your kids safety, while still raising them to be helpful and nice people.

Tuesday Warren has his Dr appointment with Dr. W. We discussed his weight and ways we can work on it. He wants to loose weight, (poor kid is so self concious, he wears heavy sweatshirt so as to hide the fact that he has "boy boobs". ), and we are eating healthier, but like me he finds the soda and other junk hard to resist. I don't buy cookies, chips etc.. I don't bake very often, and I try to cook healhier options, but those all take time and effort. When the cookies or pizza are there, it is very hard to not take part. Some days it is just too hard to cook a decent meal, when I am exhausted, and Warren is in a full on obnoxious, nothing is right mode. We are trying to take it one step at a time.

We have still been trying different fruits and veggies. This week we tried something called a Kiwi? melon, which tasted like a cross between a kiwi fruit, and a cucumber. It wasn't bad, but it was quite different. We also tried starfruit, which is quite yummy, though I liked it better than Warren. The shrimp soup I made last week, was a hit with both of us, but the next few days when I reheated it Warren was less interested. Monday, when I put the last of it on, and than had to turn it down so I could give "lost lady" a ride, he had a fit, insisting it was now toxic. I ate it, and it was fine.

Last night, I made some Sole that we picked out together, or so I thought. He was busy playing his SIMS while I was making dinner. But his stupid SIM wouldn't sleep and than started a fire and couldn't get it out. Warren had a major fit, because I was somehow supposed to know how to fix it. I've never played SIMS and have no idea how to make these people not be so stupid. Warren was not impressed and proceeded to have a very real meltdown. I finally got him away from the game to sit down to dinner. I had tried the fish and it was excellent, or so I thought. I baked it, using lemon and rosemary, like I have many times. Warren had another fit. You see, lately for the most part, at least it seems in Warren's eyes everything I do is wrong. I mess up everything, I can't fix anything, I make everything wrong, I have wrong taste's because I think everything taste's fine (translation I like things he finds yucky), in short he's 12 going on 15 and was cursed with a mom.

From here things only escalated into a full fledged screaming match. I am sick and tired of being treated like crap, and feeling like I shouldn't have any feelings. I am tired of not doing anything right. I am a mother, but I am also a woman and a human being I have feelings to dammit. A large part of my frustration was on his having gotten sent home from school yesterday. I didn't mention, yet that he came to school on Tuesday with a bad attitude and ended in a screaming match with his teacher. That meant when he went back on Wednesday he didn't get to go on the field trip to "Space Aliens" (a local eatiery/game place, think - Pizza Planet from Toy Story). He didn't get sent home again, but he also didn't make his points and was a very unhappy camper, as much with himself as with anyone else. Deep down he knows he screwed up.

I had given him money just in case he did go. When he came home, he decided to bike to Walmart. According to him, first he was going to buy me something, than he was going to buy himself something. But he felt bad about his bad day, so he decided to not buy anything and gave me the money back instead. I praised him for doing the right things, and told him he was really a good kid, who just needs to be reminded that he is a good kid. Too bad that good feeling didn't last. (I would like to take the SIMS out and run over them, except it isn't our game it is Jasper's.

We have fought before, but last night was one of the worst. He really broke down. He thinks nobody understands. To be honest, I don't understand why it is so hard for him to just do what he is told, and not make smart remarks, and call his teachers names and act out. I am trying to understand, but we all control our own mouths (well most of the time). He was doing so well, now he has to start over at Level 1 again. That is a major set back. He was so happy to be up to level 2. He hates his teacher and sometimes his story doesn't match hers, leaving me wondering who to believe. I want to be on his side, so to speak, but I also am not one of those parents who blames the school for everything and thinks her baby can do no wrong. I know what he can be like when he gets in his moods. He was crying so hard last night, I didn't know what to do. He won't let me comfort him when he is like that. He is a great kid, but sometimes he is a very hard kid to love. Those of you with quiet easy going, high achieving, never get in trouble kids, have no idea how lucky you are, how hard parenting can really be. Warren needs love more than any kid I know, but he makes it incredibly hard to love him sometimes, othertimes you just want to hug the stuffings out of him.

It's 7:30 already, I don't work today, so I can take it a bit easier. Winter finally arrived, solstice may not be until December but here on the prairie winter usually arrives at the end of October, so this was a nice break. According to weatherbug, the current tempt is 9F, with 8mph wind, making for a -3F windchill. The heavy rain of Monday and Tuesday also finally turned into snow. Not a lot, but a nice white layer on top of a nice layer of ice. Nothing like the first freezing day to bring out all the idiots who have no idea how to drive. I love cold, I hate snow and ice.


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~*~Have you read these~*~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.