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Stress thy name is me

Thursday, Oct. 06, 2005 @ 3:57 pm
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I hate my damn computer, the f*in thing is possesed by satanic virus's or something. It keeps randomly disconnecting from the internet and windows suddenly change on thier own.

On the brightside, despite being a pigsty, my house smells wonderful. After the week I've been having I did what any good food addict does, I threw some rich old fashioned comfort food in the oven. Something I've been doing alot of lately. Last weekend my son talked (bargained and manipulated)me into making a lasagna from scratch. Not one of my better dishes, but a good one anyway. It came out great and we had leftovers for 2 dinners and 2 lunches. The same day I got on a roll and made a huge banana bread (have I mentioned I loathe bananas- but my son loves them).

Tonights menu Yankee Pot Roast and lots of roasted root veggies. I love me some roasted veggies, especially when they get all carmelized and sweet, better than candy any day, and they won't rot your teeth.

Why am I so desperate for comfort food, so desperate I over paid for Knoepfla (a German-Russian cream of chicken soup with heavy dumplings simmiliar to what Italians call gnocci - it is good and very rich with lots of butter and cream and chicken stock) and grilled cheese (with a split order of Onion rings) at Kroll's diner. Where do I start.

1. Mother nature has gone beserk. While we haven't had any snow YET, it is in the prediction. Bismark (about 3 hours west of here) got wet mushy yuck, where my mom is at (8 hours northwest of here) got a fair amount of snow, had the roads shut down, and were with out power for a fair amount of time. Here it is just cold, windy, gray and despressing. The kind of weather that makes one grave old fashioned hearty kind of food. Flip flop weather has officially ended, time to dig out real shoes, and go back to wearing (yuck) socks again.

2. My darling son and another boy his age, though it would be funny to rock the school bus back and forth, bad enough to make the driver pull into the high school and call the cops (this after having an excellent happy day). On top of that his version of what happened, was at best wishful thinking, at worst and outright lie. And when confronted he became so visibly upset, I was convinced he believed his version, which puts me in a tough position of never knowing who to believe anymore. My son is also off the bus for two weeks. I made him appologize, but the next day his atttitude was clearly that of one who was very upset and really didn't mean it.

3. My son's attitude at school and with his teachers got him removed from the classroom, yesterday, which he could have still recovered from had he gotten control of his temper instead of escalating. Funny thing about teachers, you call them a B*h enough times, they get really angry. His bad attitude got him suspsend for the rest of yesterday and today. I talked to his teacher and while I've noticed him mooods are very up and down, day to day, like an emotional yo-yo in school they are seeing it minute to minute. One minute he is crying , the next minute he is fine, the next minute he is pissed.

4. After yesterday's debacle, Warren and I were arguing in the car, and he got so upset he threatened to jump out of the car. At a red light, he actually tried to get out of the car (we were in an inner lane in the middle of traffic). I managed to keep him in, but in the process he was scratched. Which brings me to

5. Having him evaluated for possible return to PSJ. This time they didn't admit him, but I did get emergency appointments with both Dr. A and Dr. W. We did make a change in his meds, I am hoping that will help. But then we have

6. While I did get some 60mg samples of the Geodon for Warren, they are phasing out the samples and didn't have the 20mg . But since it is non formularly, my insurance only covers 50% plus $15 co-pay. That would put the prescription well over $100 I don't have. The clinic requested the insurance to cover it as formularly (it will take a few days), which means I only have to pay 20%, but that is still alot for my budget. If that is still too much there are other routes but most of them are for people who are indigent and I don't qualify because I have a job and insurance, and am stuck in the only damn first world country on the freaking planet where health care is a priveldge of those who can pay., not a right like every other advanced nation. GAaAA dont' get me started on freakin Republican idiots!! Don't ask me how much I have to pay out of every damn check just to have the freaking insurance, and I can't live with out it, I have too many medical things I need it for.

7. Talking to his teacher she mentioned something I resented at first but after thinking about it, a lightbulb went off in my head. From a pychological standpoint, Warren does have too many responsiblities. Living with a single mother and no real father figure, he has appointed himself the man of the house so to speak and feels like it is his responsiblity to take care of me, and worry about the things that should be my job to take care of. I know I have a lot of responsiblity in this area. It is so easy sometimes to forget he is 12 and I think I burden him with things I really shouldn't. In some ways I have come to depend on him too much, we have become too close for mother and son. He needs to be free to be a kid. He keeps everything so bottled up, like a pressure cooker with the valve closed. But sooner or later that valve has to release or the cooker will blow up. And that is what happens to him.

I think the school over reacted to the bus thing, however. While they shouldn't have done it and they should have knocked it off as soon as they were told, it wasn't malicious. It was a pair of boys having fun and not thinking ahead to the possible consequences of their actions. Kids that age have a tendency to act now and think about the consequences later. I doubt they thought far enough ahead to realize the danger potential, or the damage potential. I reallize it could have been quite dangerous and they should have been in trouble, I just don't think they had malicous intent, kids that age are notorious for making really stupid choices.

Taking the responsibility off of Warren also means I need to get myself some help. Like many mothers I have a tendency to ignore my needs for Warrens. I need to stop that, he worries about me too much. Easier said than done.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: Enough of the freaking Geico commercials already, and the Quizno's baby creeps me out
Thankful For: I love a great pot roast and lots of roasted sweet veggies.
Music of the mind: : some Italian music, I have no idea what the words are as I don't speak Italian..

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.