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Battle of the Bulge

Wednesday, May. 04, 2005 @ 8:15 am
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I want to thank everybodywho left me such kind and sweet comments. Thank you all. I think the positive energy is helping. Warren has a long way to go yet before he can come home, but he is definately making improvements, and I am starting to see glimmers of my boy again. He still has rough periods, but he is beginning to be able to turn himself around. Yesterday was a day full of ups and downs, but that is a step up from a day of all downs. Keep the positive energy, prayers, vibes, voodoo, etc.. comming it is making a great difference. Last night he was thrilled as heck when I brought him a chess set (cheap one from ToysRUs) and some dominoes. He loves setting up dominoes, and he has also become quite a fair chess player, considering I can barely remember which pieces can move which way.

The weight battle continues. I've been able to stay away from the deep fried prozac when it isn't food I've been craving, however its not as easy as some might think. Emotions are very tricky things. I'm still not eating as healthy as I would like but I havent' gained anything. I'm not eating better but I am eating less. Its an hourly battle I fight all day and all night. Most of the times I win, but sometimes the M&M's get sneaky and manage to defeat me. It's a hard battle, when you are used to self medicating your feelings away with french fries, potato chips and Hershey bars. Cheeseburgers do wonders to make the blues disapear at least in the short term. Food has always been my security blanket, since I was about 12 or 13 and discovered it made a much better companion than the two faced kids at my school who would be nice to my face (most of the time), but didnt' think I was good enough to hang out with or invite to parties. Who needed them on Friday night? I had Star Trek reruns, Dr.Who, and a large supply of junk food I would lay in that day just for the occassion. They may have been out drinking and having a lively time, but I had The Enterprise, the Tardis and extra cheese on the side. Sure phy ed class became harder, but my grades were still good, and who needs to run laps anyway?

I know how easy it can be to loose weight as I have done it many times. If I add up all the diets I've been on, I've probably lost and gained the equivalent of another person or two. Maybe this time I can keep that person away permanently. I was hungry when I woke up so I had some eggs as that is what I was craving. Now I am not only full (and I didn't even finish all of them) but now I want to throw up. Food is my friend, but it is also my enemy.

The house feels empty with out Warren here. It is too quiet, and none of the cereal is disappearing. Warren eats it like it is going out of style, now the cereal and the milk last too long. It is too quiet here. When I clean it stays clean. I don't like it. The place needs life, the kind of life only an adolescent boy and his friends can bring, happy chaos is better than quiet neat lonliness anyday.. hopefully the house will be full of life again soon.

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Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: No one today
Thankful For: All the positive energy being sent my way - Thanks!!
Music of the mind: : Benny Hill - he was on biography when I woke up

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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