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Dear Dad,

Tuesday, Dec. 14, 2004 @ 11:24 pm
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Happy Birthday Dad. Today would have been your 73rd birthday. I miss you terribly, and even 8 years later I still think of you often and fondly.

You weren't a perfect father, you were human. But you loved us and I know you tried to do what you felt was best. You were always there whenever anyone needed you. You took care of mom, and you took care of Milo when ever he needed something extra or had a problem. You were always there whenever I needed a dad. You weren't always happy with me, and I know we clashed on a lot of things, but when the chips were down I always knew I could go to you. I miss arguing with you, you were a great debater and you made me think.

You are the one who taught me to be myself and to hell with those who would make fun or not like me. You were smart enough to know that it is better to be true to one's self than try to fake your way to popularity. And you were well liked because of it. You could get along with almost anybody. You had strong opinions, but knew when to speak up and when to keep your mouth shut.

I didn't always agree with you, but I did respect you even though in my teenage years it may not have seemed that way. I can't imagine anyone else being my dad. Any man can be a father, but only special men get to be Dads. You were one of those special men.

I like to think you would be very proud of me, adn of your grandson. I can see alot of you in him. He has your face, and sometimes when he is speaking, I can hear your voice. You are living on thru him. I only wish that you could be here and get to know him. You would have made a wonderful grandfather, and I know Warren would have loved to get to know you. Even though he was only three when you passed away and doesn't remember much, I know he misses having you in his life. I know he was one of the lights of your life.

I know it may not have seemed like it, but alot of the messages you were trying to pass on did get thru. Now that I am a parent I understand you so much better. Often when Warren starts acting the way I did at that age, I can hear my mouth speak, but it is your words your wisdom that is comming out. I used to think it was corny and old fashioned. I never realized how smart you were until I became an adult and had my own child. It was then I realized just how smart you were. It may not have seemed like I was listening but I was.

You may have had a temper sometimes, and you could get angry over things I didn't see as worth being that upset over. But I also realize I was not an easy child to raise. We were destined to clash, but even when you were mad at me, even when we were at odds, I never got the feeling that you hated me, or didn't want me. I may not have wanted to admit it, but even as a kid, I knew deep down you loved me and wanted what was best. You were over protective and I wish you would have let me go, and let me experience more life. I was angry with you over that for a long time, but I am letting go. I understand that it was hard for you to let me go, I was your little girl and the world is a big scary place. I know now that it was your issue and had nothing to do with me. I am learning to forgive you.

I am sorry I have never visted your grave since the funeral, and I am sorry I couldn't come up and say good bye one last time. I only hope you can understand that it was just too hard for me. In my head I know that you are gone, but to face your dead body, to see your grave it would make it too real, it would force me to face what I know, but don't want to face. For months after you died, I would see men who in some form reminded me of you, and for a moment it was like you were still, here. I could still run up and hug you, or ask your opinion on something. But then they would turn around or move on and reality would kick in. I am just afraid if I see the grave for myself I may never stop crying.

Your grandson is almost a teenager now. He is taller than me, and smarter than any kid I've known at that age. He has the same attitude I had at that age. But he is learning to control his temper and how to cope with frustration.

I've gone back to school. I've tried to improve myself, and make a life for me and Warren. I finally ended it for good with Mike. I've stood up for myself and stopped making excuses. I've learned that I am worth being treated well. I learned that from you.

Things arent' going so well for me right now, but I am not giving up. I will keep on trying and moving ahead. I know that you are with Grampa and Gramma, and I can feel you watching over me, looking out for me and Warren.

I still have your class ring. I wore it the day I got home for your funeral. I have kept it since. I know you are with me. It reminds me of you daily, and lets me know that I am loved and that you are always with me, always a part of me.

I miss you badly, I love you so much. You weren't a perfect father, but you were a good dad. You were a good man, and your whole family misses you every day.

Rest in Peace Dad, I would give anything to hug you or talk to you just one more time. So would Mom and Milo. You were the rock we all anchored to. We depended on you so much.

I miss you and I always well.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: Mike is being an Ass again
Thankful For: My Christmas bonus. It wasn't much, but I really needed it
Music of the mind: : TJ Maxx commercial

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.