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Life..or something like it

Thursday, May. 06, 2004 @ 4:13 pm
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Lately I've been noticing alot of things that I never really paid attention too before. Living in ND, we tend to think of ourselves as safer and more sheltered than "out there", ie the rest of the country. People around here leave doors unlocked and in the winter its not uncommon at all to see cars left unattended and runnning, while their owners dash in to a store or such for a quick errand, even though technically it is illegal.

Yet are we really that safe and quiet as we like to think, or are we really in denial. Picking up the local paper one can see many of the same crimes that plaque bigger cities, sure not in as large numbers due to our smaller population, but still it does happen. I don't just mean the big news makers like Dru Sjodin (which was actually north of here in Grand Forks, but still part of ND, if not Fargo), or Jeanna North (who was a ten year old that disappeared 11 years ago, allegedly at the hands of a child molesting pervert who lived across the street, and hasn't been seen since), but other smaller crimes that don't make headlines. Meth and other drugs are a lot more common than many people would like to think. Minors are still getting drunk in the name of having fun, and there have been more than a few reports of robbery, fraud and other crimes, both white collar and street. And no matter how much we might like to deny it, there is also a signifigant homeless population in this town, and considering our winter weather, that is sad and scary at best.

Comming home from some errands in Moorhead (MN) on Monday, I couldn't help but notices all the flashing lights on the bridge crossing back into Fargo. At first I thought it was somebody pulled over for some traffic offense. Then I got closer and saw there were several polic cars a fire truck and an ambulence. I thought okay, maybe there was a car accident of some kind, but when I got closer I could see there were no wrecked cars or any sign that there had been. There were however several police officers, and a few other personell and one older Native American man who appeared to have more than his limit of illegal substances in his system (after ten years with Mike I can spot a dope head several miles away), being arrested for I'm not sure what. But given the number of personell dispatched I doubt it was for jaywalking.

No more than 10 minutes later as I was traveling down Main Avenue, stopped at a red light and on a traffic island in the construction there was a guy laying down between the tall orange markers just relaxing on his dufflebag. He looked like he hadn't seen laundry or shower facilities in some time, or quite likely a real meal. Looking ahead I could see one of Fargo's finest comming the other way, when his light changed he turned to his right, than apparently spotted the lounging traveler and did a U-turn, putting on his lights in the process. No sooner did he do this when the traffic lounger picked up his stuff and quickly moved thru the cars to a hillside on the other side of the road. What happened after that I can only guess as might light changed and I had to move on my way home. Just another glimpse in a part of life in the Red River Valley that we like to pretend doesn't exist. But sadly it does.

Thanks to his love of the beer and the Mary-Jane, along with other illegal substances, coupled with the fact that I and many of his other friends no longer tolerate his behavior or addictions, that could very easily have been my son's father. I'm not sure what's harder knowing that he could let things (had he not gone to prison) get that bad instead of getting clean, or knowing that I had to send him that way for the sake of my health and that of my son's.

If I have trouble accepting all of this, even knowing that it is for the best, and that Mike made his own bed, how can a ten year old boy who loves his father and wants deperately to have a dad in his life cope with it? The answer is he can't, and it is really to much to expect him to. He truly is a good kid, with a good heart, but thanks to the guilt and anger and a predisposition toward rapid mood swings he is often unable to show it. He tries hard, and the meds and therapy do help, but still there are days and times when it is too much for him and he will express it by digging in his heels about something else. For instance last week when he got suspended again for not wanting to work (I wrote about that I believe), he was upset about his dad and missing him, but he didn't express that. Instead it came out as misdirected anger at his teachers, and a stubborn refusal to cooperate, until they played the trump card. Only by then it was too late and to save face and uphold their authority they felt they had no choice but to follow thru.

He also once again stole from me (out of the cookie jar we keep for saving towards VC 30 and CIII), to buy earphones for the computer after he accidentally broke the speaker wires in an attempt to hook up bigger speakers as a suprise for me. I called him on it right away and he came clean. But instead of being angry or sorry, he just seemed so sad. It was almost like he wanted me to be angry at him or to hate him. I got the feeling he was trying to make me hate him. But when I just told him that I loved him anyway but stealing is not acceptable and he couldn't have the headphones till he earned the money and paid me for them. Then he was angry (but not nearly as much as I expected). But once I was able to fix the speaker (Electronics 101 -actually did learn something), he was just dumbfounded. The fact that I didn't flip out on him totally thru him for a loop, though he still didnt' like the idea of my punishing him for lying to me, and going someplace like WalMart with out telling me, not to mention stealing. I mean when your kid looks at you and says you better hide it better, because you can't trust me, yet at the same time is mad at you for being mad, it throws your mom-dar in to a static confusion mode. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with that kid.

On the bright side I saw the cutest thing today after I dropped Warren off from school. I was on the corner at the light near the police station waiting at the red light when I see a kid on a bicycle crossing the street on the right. Halfway across I see him stop. Then I notice a beautiful snowwhite cat walking behind the bike. The boy stops and tried to get the cat who was also in the middle of the street. The boy ended up chasing the cat back to the far side of the street. But what really got me, was watching all the cars who had a green light sit there and wait for this little boy who couldn't have been more than 7 or 8 get his cat back to safety. And in true cat fashion as soon as the cat was safe and the traffic started moving that cat got her tail in a fluff and started hissing at the cars, stupid cars wouldn't let her follow her person to the brick building he disappers into everyday.

Maybe you had to be there, but I thought it was cute. How often does somebody's cat try to follow them to school, and then get mad at the cars for not letting her cross?


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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.