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Motherhood, the second oldest profession

Wednesday, Apr. 28, 2004 @ 10:22 pm
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Its amazing the delusions one has about parenthood the first time they put the tiny, mysterious bundle in your arms. You think about lazy Sunday mornings and playdates int the park and fluffy pink joy with happy blue bunnies of love (hey I was on some powerful drugs okay, these are my delusions). Then you get home and the kid wakes you up every two hours for a month straight screaming bloody murder.

Its amazing how fast one's delusions of being a perfect parent can get shattered, by a kid who never harbored any such fantasies and lacks the ability to say "Yo Mom, may you you should try this!" It doesn't take us long to start questioning every decision and feeling guilty whenever we act human and make a mistake or God forbid have an occasional evil thought about this little being who is totally dependant on us for everything, but won't be fully able to thank us for it, until sometime before he sends us off to the home so we can play bingo and loose our dentures with other octogenarians.

But inbetween those wee screaming hours of the morning and packing for the land of cream corn and endless games of bingo and checkers comes the delightful years of childhood and adolescence. They say whatever your kid is like at 2 is a good hint of what you are in foor when the teen years start to approach. I should have started stocking up on valium and trazadone then. I could have saved my self alot of grief.

Today Warren decided to get suspended from school for the day again, because it was much easier to argue with the teachers and use foul language while refusing to cooperate than it would have been to take five minutes to come in from recess, say I did that assignment and here it is. May I please go out to play again. Because why give up five minutes of play time, when you can give up an entire day, put your mother thru hell and then come home first acting sorry and guilty then, putting on the badass attitude and argue with your mother who gets so mad she freaks out and will spend the rest of her life feeling guilty over how she over reacted to your refusing to listen, and then you can play the poor me card adn you mom will feel sorry for you because your dad is in prison and you miss him. So then instead of doing chores your mom will help you with your homework and then put you to bed. AFter which she will find out how to go about arranging for you to visit your dad at the prison, when she doesn't want to see him again, but is trying to be a good mom and nows that it is hard on you. That way not only do you not have to do dishes but you get your mom to pay attention to you and feel guilty and sorry when you were the one who acted up.

Then just to make sure your mom is really frazzled and at her wits end, make sure when she comes into the bathroom she she's the children's Nyquil on its side dripping down on the toilet, half empty leaving her to wonder if you drank from it, and wondering how full it was, knowing it wasnt' totally full.

Because that's how my son decided to spend his day.

Me I trying to decide the best way to smash my head to bits. I love my kid, but I just dont' know what to do anymore. Just when I think things are getting better the rug goes out from under me and flies way thru the window. I can't go on like this, I love my son, but I feel like I will never have my own life. He is first in my life and the most important thing in my life, but I feel like I am just not doing my job. Like somehow if I had done things right, my son would listen to his teachers adn to me instead of being a 16 year old attitude in a ten year old body.

Why don't they warn you about this stuff in the parent books. Compared to this potty training was a summer breeze


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: the kid I almost hit this morning because he didn't look first. Thankfully he never got touched
Thankful For: The weather is nice at least
Music of the mind: : "Teach your children well, ...." Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young - how apropo

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.