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Another bad case of the mommy blues

Tuesday, Mar. 23, 2004 @ 9:48 pm
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Its been over a week, and there haven't been any suspicious hits, so I am assumming that this place is so far still safe.

I went to the job fair today along with K*. It wasn't too bad, but there weren't as many people as I expected there. I also had to duck and cover to keep from being seen by my current employer who also had a booth there, along with my previous employer. I did get my resume out to a few places that sounded interested, unfortunately the two I am most intersted in would require moving, one to Alexandria and the other to Findley neither of which I am really interested in living in at this point. But there were a few other companies that sounded promising, and some places I need to get busy and check out online. I also need to get my cover letters going as there are some openings advertised also.

Today was a long day even with out the job fair stress. Warren decided that when I wouldn't let him leave school early for his appointment, which wasn't until 4:30 he was going to pitch a royal fit and refuse to work. He didn't get violent but he was rude and inappropriate and ended up in Juvy for refusing to do anything. That is the 2nd time this year. In Oct he was sent to Juvy for making a threat to another student, one of those cases where his mouth got ahead of his brain, it was an empty threat he never would have carried out, but in this post-Columbine atmosphere all threats no matter how crazy are taken at face value. Then a couple months ago, he got fed up with testing and decided he wasn't going to work at all. I ended up picking him up early from school that time, instead of him going to Juvy. Today I was at the job fair and couldn't be reached, until I called the school to check up on him, as I was suspicious after my conversation with him this morning that he would pitch a fit.

This afternoon was his Pdoc apt with Dr. S. I had to bribe him to get him to agree to his vitals. My son who is still 3 months away from his 11th birthday is now 5 foot 3 inches (that is only an inch shorter than me!) and weighs 184 pounds. At this rate he is going to be huge when he grows up, unless nature has a cruel joke in mind. Because of the weight gain and because the meds don't seem to always work as well anymore, we are phasing out the risperdal and trying a new med called Abilify. I have never heard of it, but its supposed to lessen the appitite instead of increase it. I just hope it helps him to be able to think before he acts and handle frustration better. Warren behaved better than usual, but he was still rude and smart alecy to Dr. S and Dr. G. However thanks to the Benadryl for his allergies and to help him sleep his was in bed by 8:30. Hopefully the extra sleep will put him in better spirits.

I am feeling like a failure again. I know Warren is better off at home with me, but sometimes I feel like I am just not doing enough or handling things right. I know the stress of worrying about his dad is adding to things, a couple of weeks ago he had to leave class because he was in tears over the possiblity of the idiot RB going to prison. Maybe its just a mom thing, but I keep thinking that somehow his problems are largely my fault, that I caused it. I look at other people with thier so called "normal" kids and sometimes I just hate them. I'd give anything to only have to tell him twice before he did something. To only argue about small things, or which sport to take. I am just so tired. So very very tired. Instead of going to Holland, I feel like I fell on a whole other continent.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: too tired to think of one tonight
Thankful For: getting my resume in the door of a few places
Music of the mind: : Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.