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Have you seen Leanna Warner?
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Look out, here comes the evil camera woman again

Monday, Jan. 12, 2004 @ 9:59 pm
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Hard to believe I'm 34 and have a ten year old kid ain't it.

The all new computer corner. You can't see the actual computer itself its on the lower right side on the floor.

And yet another corner of my room, the "Thank God Hayden will never see this because he would be totally creeped out" corner, located right next to the "Land of the Lost" aka my walk in closet.

Notice the total lack of life in my face. I took this picture today at work. You can kind of see the headphone I am wearing

the view over the cubicle wall. The door is too my right, this is what I see if I look foreward and up. Excitiing ain't it!! Yeah that's what I thought.

Warren's music class is going to start playing the recorder next week. This means that I have to spend 5 bucks to buy what to me looks like reedless clarinet with stunted growth. From what I remember they sound everybit as fun to the ears. He's excited, personally I'd rather perform my own root canal than listen to a beginning musician try to master the recorder. Thankfully I already by Ibruproffen by the pound.

Right now there are several letters sitting on my kitchen table that I really need to open and deal with, but I am not because if I don't open them and read them, then I can maintain my blissful state of denial. My brain works funny that way. Too bad the rest of the world refuses to see it that way. Living in ignorance can be so blissful sometimes. At least until Darth Reality does an Imperial March thru your life and messes it all up.

Last nite I was watching Clean Sweep on TLC, finally a show about people like me, who find it impossible throw anything out that isnt' rotten, holey-er than swiss cheese or walking out under its own power. I swear I am one of the biggest pack rats. I think I still have copies of term papers from Junior High school put away somewhere (but it was a paper I wrote on George Lucas - its a SW collectible LOL). If I didn't have such a small house, I'd love to see what they could for me, aside from look at the lawn in amazement and wonder how one person got that much stuff in that itty bitty house. I have remotes with nothing to control, I have papers from classes I took 4 years ago, I have tickets from movies I only liked marginally that I saw 3 years ago, heck I think I even have about 20 pounds of Happy Meal toys that Warren has ammassed in his ten years on planet Earth. The hard part for me in cleaning out, is the fact that I cannot throw it out. I have underwear with way too many holes to ever wear (TMI- I know but deal with it), but instead of tossing them I keep them as spare or to dust with. (I could dust the entire neighborhood). How do you neatnick types do it. How do you toss something that you have attachement to, or that you know still has uses. That is my biggest problem. It some how to me just feels wrong to throw out anything that could possibly have uses. I have done it in the past and was actually haunted by feelings of guilt. No wonder you need a map to find your way around this place. The price of being overly sentimental I guess.

I still sleep with the blanket my parents gave me for my 18th birthday before I left for college. I still have the first towels I bought before leaving home, they are totally worn but we still use them. I am sitting at the desk that I received for my 16th birthday, and have my clothes in the dresser that came with it, and my books on the matching shelf, never mind that they are too small and more in keeping with a teenager than a 24 year old woman.

My son's toys are in the buffet that originally belonged to my Grandmother (needs refinishing). Our dining room table, matches it and also belonged to my grandmother. I hate hats, yet I have three I refuse to throw for no reason other than they belonged to my father. I have papers and pics up on the walls on fridge that Warren drew years ago. I can't remember the last time I got rid of something that wasn't actual garbage. Hell if I looked around I could probably find 2 year old junk mail.

I'v read books and seen programs on decluttering. I get excited and try to start cleaning. I get rid of a bunch of stuff, but it never makes a dent as there are too many things I can't bear to part with. And strange as it may sound, a part of me doesn't like a stark empty clean lined room. It just feels to instituional too me. I've always felt more comfortable with lots of stuff, meaningful stuff around. I really am strange, one step below a hoarder. At least I havent' gotten that bad - yet. But wait till I get to be old. The people planning my estate sale will have a field day, after they demand hazard pay. Its Jan 12th and My Xmas tree is still up plugged in with the lights on. I need help.

And for a total subject change (I'm bipolar I can do that with ease). Warren almost broke HIS toe tonight. Kid dropped a can of ravioli on it. Who knew pasta and tomatoes could be so heavy. Luckily it was fine, but aren't we a cute family. I would have loved explaining to the doctor that my son who just had a pizza pocket, a corn dog, (at Sunmart) a pudding cup and some cottage cheese needed something to hold him till supper. He didnt' eat the ravioli because supper was almost done, but still. All that and he had 3 pancakes too. He now officially eats more than I do. Either that or the school lunch program doesn't provide as much food as it used to. I am a large woman and I couldn't eat that much. Must be a guy thing.

Now to just get my schedule back. Sun goes down Holly gets hyper, sun come up and Holly turns into a vampire who wants to hide from the sun, and go to bed. Not a great way to hold a day job and raise a kid. Just call me Mrs. Backward clock.


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: Local man from Leonard ND manages 2 DUI's in one night (sorry no link Forum now requires Logins)
Thankful For: Ice cream in my freezer calling to me
Music of the mind: : Is Nothing Sacred ~ Meat Loaf (one of my favorites)

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.