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Melancholy Blue

Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003 @ 5:39 pm
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Rumors of the fleeing bastard have been greatly exageraated. Apparently the friend that C* spoke to is on crack, or else Mike has been talking out his ass again, something he is very good at.

The reason I know this is because he called me again last night. While I was soaking in the tub, listening to BOOH II. The first time he had hung up when I got to the phone, from now one if I don't recognize the number I am so NOT calling it back. I is good to know he hasn't flown the state yet. Will make it easier to get him busted, and squeeze a few pennies of child support out of him.

Needless to say my emotions have been all over the place. I was thrilled that he was gone, and yet something else as well. I can't put my finger on it. And now that he is back, I'm still well the best way to describe it is melancholy blue. Not a depression exactly, but not quite level either. I have no problem getting up and functioning, but I dont' really want to do anything. I know lack of funds and still being stuck at Vitamin Hell a year later have a lot to do withit. The fact that it is comming up on exactly one year (as of 11-1) since I lost a job, that despite some complaining I really loved. I just realized that next week. (Saturday tobe exact) will be the anniversary. That has to have a lot to do with it. Last year at this time, I was about to be unemployed for the first time since I stopped working to have my son. My son was having major school/behavior problems, and was on his way to being hospitalized. Mike was living with me and things were just a total mess.

One year later, I have a job, but I hate it more than I've hated any job since Heritage Marketing. (Yes I was one of those obnoxious telemarketers, I was young, had very few skills, and really needed the money. The job sucked, the company had no morals, and I wouldn't go back no matter what they offered me..)Warren is doing great. He has occassional bad days, but nothing like what he was going thru last year. I am very proud of this point, and of him. Mike is out out out, is doing worse than ever, but he no longer lives here. He has since returned to Meth and God knows what else. He says he is trying to go straight, but I think I'd buy the Brooklyn Bridge for 10 bucks before I'd believe anything Mike says. I may be slow, but eventually I do catch on.

The stores are also starting to put out the Christmas stuff. Way to early for my taste. When I am looking at cheap, sweat shop made gaudy plastic Halloween crap in Wally World, I do not wish to be bombarded by cheesy Christmas music comming from the adjoining section full of gaudy plastic Christmas crap.. (Am I just a tad jaded?). When I was little I loved Christmas, it meant presents and cookies, and candy and my favorite foods. Now it is just a really sad time of year for me. Out of the relatives on my paternal family, My father, both grandparents and and Uncle by marriage died during the Christmas season. My father, my Grandfather and My aunt have December birthdays. I usually make an attempt at holidays for my son's sake, but to be honest the little girl who was Christmas crazy, has turned in to a jaded old Scrooge who sees the whole thing as a phoney holiday, that is nothing more than an attempt by corporate America to make people spend money they don't have on cheap crap to pretend to be nice to people they normally don't think twice about. People are stressed out, sugar shocked, and generally start acting like spoiled 12 year olds,fighting it out with strangers over tacky plastic elves with made in Taiwan stamped on their ass. That's not Christmas.. I believe in the spirit of what the holiday is supposed to be about, by not buying into all the corporate crap we are blasted with from Nov 1 to Jan 1.

We will have a tree, and Waren will have presents. There will be a nice dinner and remembering of family. But there will not be a buying of presents for every one who every smiled at me, I will not be taking out a second mortgage so my son can have the bestest newest must have his classmates are going gaga for. There will be one nice present, and a couple of small ones from me, maybe one from his dad, and a couple from Grandma and Uncle Milo. That will be it. We will have a ham and a couple side dishes. That will be it.

I prefer Halloween, in an ironic twist I find it much less phoney. I don't know where that entry came from, but I think it explains alot about my mood. Its a good thing Valley Con is comming this weekend, cause man alive do I need the vacation..


Prequels ~ Sequels

Daily Dumbass: Stupid fanboys on the TF.N E3-SA board.. Its a Zoo over there.. (Don't ask)
Thankful For: My AOTC DVD, -Hayden does wonders for the blue colored spirit of a dirty old lady...
Music of the mind: : ".....pave paradise ...put up a parking lot... Don't know what you got till its gone..."

~*~Have you read these~*~

~ Ode to a child who is no more ~
~ She's baaack ~
~ testing ~
~ Facebook me ~
~ Bleech ~

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In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.