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Wacky customers and other stuff

13.02.03 @ 09:59
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I had planned to update last night, but then I tried another melatonin, and boink, faster than you can say safe and all natural, I was flat on my backside with little zzz's floating above my head cartoon style.

Of course I also had some very bizaarre dreams including one involving Emeril and a hickory switch and if anyone comments I'll use it on you. I also woke up this morning feeling as well as looking like a racoon that got in a bar fight after a three day drinking binge. A few cold compresses and some ice water later along with some begrudgingly used make up, I mostly resemble a human being. Which is good, because I have a family therapy meeting today, and am also taking Warren out on a pass. I don't think it would do to show up looking like I slept in Island Park last night.

Thank-God I have today off, from Vitamin Hell. Some of our customers are down right scary. Not the guy who was telling me how flouride in the drinking water is the cause of alzimers and cancer and gum disease and so on, not the lady who didn't want any packages going thru the USPS, because it would be irradiated, but the guy who wanted to buy empty capsuls and a capsule maker, along with a couple books on how to cure everything, (not the actual titles, but close), becuase he is really getting into the holistic medicine lately and he can cure cancer and everything. People in MN should be afraid be very afraid. I can't remember what city he was in, but the thought of some guy filling capsules with God only knows what and selling them out of his garage is more than a little frightening. I mean there are desperate scared people out there, all to ready to believe him. It didn't even hit me until after the call, what he was probably thinking. Maybe he'll go make friends with the guy who told me he doesn't have an email address because he doesn't believe in computers. Like they are some kind of religion or something. Okay maybe my devotion to mine could be seen that way, but umm whatever dude. You go ahead and stay in the past, the rest of us will move on with life.

If all goes well Warren maybe comming home. I feel like such a bad mother, but I don't want him home this weekend, because I have to work, and it would me Mike would have to watch him. I desperately miss my baby, but I want him to come home when I am ready for him. I am waiting for NDMA to come thru, so I can get the PATH respite care. We all want Mike out of the picture as much as possible, but trying to do it is like rolling a heavy barrel up a steep hill with slippery shoes on. I don't want Mike overly involved, but yet for Warren's sake I feel like cutting him out completly would also be a very bad idea. Some day I plan to move to an address not located between Rock street and Hard Place Avenue.

Hopefully the intensive therapy and the new med changes will help make the difference. He seems much more in control of things right now. Too bad same can't totally be said for me. I need to make a call and get some therapy my self. More so than I've been doing. I know I have been putting my own needs on the back burner. I dont' know why. I am so good about meds adn so forth for Warren, but can't seem to do it for me. I've tried several meds and they all leave me feeling like I am stoned or something. N* says its because most of what they have been giving me is for depression not bipolar, and I sound like I much more need somthing specifically for bipolar such as lithium. But I dont' know if I really want to try new drugs. I'm pretty frustrated by the whole thing.

I still remember the first time I had a suspicion I might be bipolar. It was way back in college, several years yet, before my official diagnosis. I was watching a TV movie of the week about Patty Duke, and it hit me that she acted just like me. Sometimes so much so that it was scary. Why I didn't do anything then I am not sure, fear most likely, denial too I am sure. I still had a bit of an attitude then, and was still a bit judgemental and didn't full understand mental illness. But boy have I gotten an education in the last few years.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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