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Salmon ...against the current

27.09.01 @ 12:33
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Well, for now anyway I have put a temporary hold on the reconstruction of my diary. I am still working on a possible new layout, but it is a long way from being ready to put up. I dont' really have the time to put into it like I would like to. I only get a little bit of computer time at home, after Warren is in bed, and at work well, I ususally have better things to do.

Warren broke his perfect record yesterday. He lost one point for something so he wound up with a 99% for the day, instead of the 100% he has had everyday before that. He had a total fit on that. He was devestated. I am starting to worry about him, I am glad that he is working hard, but, lately he has been so perfectionistic. Everything has to be done exactly so, and if it isnt' just right, then the world is comming to an end, or at least to him it seems that way. I have seen him rip of 6 or 7 attempts at a drawing of something because one line wasnt' exactly the way he wanted it to be. He will get into a complete fit and start having almost a temper tantrum, because he can't make his hands do what his mind is picturing. He comes up with such neat ideas, and when he can't make them come out the way he likes he just can't deal with it, not very well anyway. I am glad he is such a hard worker, but he is taking it to an extreme. I am worried about what is going to happen when he gets older. We can't be perfect all the time at everthing, it just isnt' humanly possible. I dont' want him to do like I did when I was about that age. I decided that if I couldnt' do it good and be great at it, then I wasn't going to even try. I still have to fight that. I have a very hard time learning new things when I am with other people, because I feel like if I make a mistake or don't get it, I will look dumb. Another legacy of my mother, she is so touchy about that subject also, although I think part of it is that she resents having to leave school in the 8th grade. No I didn't miss type that. I meant 8th grade. My mom was born in the 30's to a very large German Catholic Family in a very very rural area of North Dakota. Out of 13 kids, I think only one or two actually went to high school. I am hoping that Warren doesnt' continue to carry on this legacy. I am just not sure how to stop it. Everytime I try to talk to him about it, he just gets upset and defensive. If he can't spell a word, he says he is dumb and doesnt' want to try anymore. It breaks my heart. Reading was hard for me also when I was younger, then one day something just clicked and I started to love reading, it got easier and easier for me. He loves stories, he loves books. I could read to him all night. But reading them himself is hard. And I can see it already starting to have a huge affect on his self esteem. If anyone reading this has any ideas or has been there, I will gladly welcome any thoughts, suggestions or ideas. Help!!

Tuesday I finally got my car fixed. It would have become a nightmare if I hadnt. I wouldn't start that morning, so I had to call the local Amoco and get a jump to get it going, which made us almost late for Warren's PDoc appointment. Then Warren was in a 'mood" all thru the appointment because he didn't want to be there, and because he was sure it was going to cause him points for being late. I had already called the school and told them he had an appointment and Dr.A (resident) adn Dr. G. had offered to write an note. We did decrease his evening Risperdal dose by half. Yayy so we are working on getting him off the meds, slowly. The way I want as he is doing 300% better in school. He didn't even get mad, on Wednesday when his desk accidentally flipped over on him and left him with big goose egg on his cheek. After the doc appointment it started fine. Then I dropped him off at school and went to work. After work I went to start it. I tried and nothing. It was deader, than last weeks fish. So I pop my hood and found a compasionate soul to give me a jump start. Still nothing, after 20 minutes of cussing, banging and pleading, *FINALLY* it starts. That was enough for me. I am not going to be dealing with that twice a day when it is 20 below zero and snowing. So after I picked up Warren from afterschool care we went to tires plus. One hour and $225 dollars poorer, I have a car that starts, the first time everytime. I had the money, than God, but, I am now totally broke until I get paid. And I still have a fine to pay. Ugh..

Today is Warren's dental appointment. I have a nasty collections letter from his dentist, threatening to take action if I do not pay an over due balance of $1.46. yes that is the correct figure. So today I plan to give the receptionist $2 and tell her to keep the change for all her trouble. Sheesh. Then after the dentist we have to rush home, change clothes and grab a bite to eat so I can get Warren to his Cub Scout meeting. I have eaten supper at home once this week. I have laundry piled so I can barely see over it, four days worth of dishes to wash and empty out of the dishwaher, the kitty litter is ready to walk out and empty itself, and the house is once again a disaster. If I didn't need so much sleep I think I would petition for the 48/14 day week instead of the standard 24/7. I feel like a salmon swimming up stream against a raging current. But then that is nothing new.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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