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A Jedi knows not these things...

04.05.02 @ 19:39
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Listening to Emeril and drinking Tazo Lemon Ginger Iced Herbal Tea with Ginger juice and ginseng (caffiene free). Don't I sound like the heathy sort. Well don't you believe it. Right next to it is a bottle of Pibb Xtra (mega Caffiene). Kinda like me. Good on one side (goody good by some standards) and totally whatever I feel like goes on the other side. My true self usually falling some where in the middle. Sometimes wanting to convey the dark image as a means of revolting against the uptight, rural, backwater, midewestern, Church Social upbringing I had, while at the same time wanting to also project an image of somehow holier than thou really is. Another throw back to the Little House not quite on the Prairie that I once considered the only home life I knew. If this fails to make sense to you who are reading it, it makes less sense to me who is writing (typing) it.

Today was another total waster of a day. I was up last night (this morning) until 4:30 am. Yes I made the mistake of reading my book. (so much for spoilers). I couldn't help it. I glanced at the first chapter and was sucked in like a whino at a liquor store on free sample day. I just could not put it down. If the movie even come close this will be Like ESB on speed. Some many characters, so much action, Yoda opening a Jedi sized can of little green whoop ass. I won't go into plot spoilers, but if you thought your family tree was messed up, you ain't seen nothing yet. And Yes Natalie is VERY cool, unlike many 20 something actresses in Hollywood, she has her head screwed on very straight. She is intellegent and decent and will go far in life. Hayden is talented, but I dont' know enough about him to have any further opinions. From the clips I've seen, I think George made the right choice for Anakin. He has a little of the gee whizness of Jake Lloyd, and the brewing evilness of a very conflicted young man on the road to disaster. I can definately believe him as the man who one day becomes the evil Dark Lord Darth Vader. The innocence corrupted, the anger misdirected and turned sideways. The need to blame someone, to feel powerful in the midst of powerlessness. People who see Star Wars as a movie for 12 year olds are just totally missing the point.

What was I talking about, oh yeah my wasted day. After finally priing myself out of my room, I went out for ribs at Krolls. I wasn't hungry, but I was hungry. Don't ask, I don't understand it either. Then I wnet to B&N where I browsed and read alot (including hte character guides) but didnt' buy anything (expcept the aforementioned tea and a raspberry chocolate bar thingy). Then I stopped bought some dark side soda and came home. Then I hopped on line and voila here I am.

So many emotions. I can't make sense of them all right now. I just feel too many things and I am powerless to make any of them go away, or face up to the source of my conflicts. I want to hide but that doesn't work in the real world. It may work when you are a shy three year old in a cupboard in your parents kitchen, because there is company and you dont' know them, but when you get to be 32 that kind of behavior just gets you either a) a repuation as an eccentric, the woman who will someday live alone with 50 cats, or b) put in the hospital until some day you get out and have a tiny little hovel on the edge of town with 50 cats. Either way its safe to say for the most part I think I prefer the company of felines to many of the people I have to deal with. Not the most mentally healthy statements to make. I need a real mental tidy, but I really dont' want to face what I might find should I clean some of those dark regions in the mind I am trapped in. But that is okay. Someday I will wear purple dresses and a red hat. I will be old and nobody will care, because I will have earned the right to do as I damn well please. But right now, fuck... damded if know any answers. I am still trying to figure out the questions. If some one has a magic fix all wand for sale, I'd be willing to make you an offer you can't refuse.

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Mini-Bio

In every neighborhood there is at least one house that all the neighbors gossip about. This is a diary from the woman who lives in that house. I am a single mother in her mid thirties. I live in North Dakota with my son, Warren.

I tend to be a bit of a slob, and am the opposite of a girly-girl. I am geek girl, who loves Star Wars, Star Trek, Harry Potter, Buffy, Angel, action movies, science fiction, action adventure, Dr. Who, and so on and so on.

I love to write and while I don't post much fiction online anymore I would love to be a writer someday. I am also overweight, bipolar and suffer from allergy induced asthma.

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